I’m married at a young age . I live with my husband’s family. His family likes me. But for the sake of adjusting and not creating problem because of me , I’m not saying or responding to anything hurtful or insulting by my in laws.
My brother in law just keeps saying things that degrade me in the name of a joke . But i find it hurting my self respect . I’ve told him and other family members in a polite manner to not talk like that to me many times.
Now a days i just can’t tolerate it , i just want to explode , but I’m not for the sake of the family’s sanity. Because of this my confidence my self respect everything is gone. My health is also getting spoiled because of hearing all the negative comments., My husband also doesn’t say anything . I want to react cause at the end of the day my happiness matters too I’m fed up to feel like I don’t have any rights to even protect myself .
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If your man isn’t checking his family and having your back what do you really have. He should have your back and talk to his family about having respect cause the disrespecting you they disrespecting him also talk it out peacefully
I’ve really tried it , so many times over the year. He says he will talk and get it done. But he doesn’t he prioritizes them over me and i don’t have a problem with it. But he doesn’t even allow me to tell want affect me negatively to them in a peaceful manner. I feel enslaved and I’m totally loosing the spark with him also
Adri Farm @adrika
I’ve even tried talking about separation in the nicest most delicate way . It’s really hard to come to even a thought of it , cause it’s an accumulation of a many painful events. He is a nice person but we are not suitable for each other . I love him as well , but there are lot more things that also matter in a relationship more than love or should I say forms of love.
He says if i will leave he will kill himself. It’s like honour killing sort off , for the lost dignity of his family and himself . Because of that I’m just sticking on , living a life like a puppet.
My parents are also strict they expect me to adjust for everything , they think i dont have another life than marriage. It’s like both my in laws and my parents are concerned of the society what will they say how will they view us .
And it’s all pulled out on me , while i just want to live a simple life . I really don’t have expection.
I’m just asking the bare minimum , I’m literally begging for it , while i know i deserve much better . I’m just lowering myself and my standards so I can accommodate my loved one’s and all they do is walk all over me as if i were a door mat , it’s pathetic.
Sorry to hear that but if he don’t fix his mind set it probably will loose your Spark don’t want to sound like a hater but I hope the best for you two
Adri Farm @adrika
Well I’m trying hard to cope up and am giving extra efforts to make this relationship work. But marriage is not something that is one sided , both people need to give efforts or else it will break.
1st step-Think of them as your family too and not just your in-laws or your husband’s family…
2nd - when you think of them as ur own, their hurtful actions will trigger a response from u…and try talking to them…and bindas bolo…n thoda bhaot fight hua b toh kya hua…har family me hota hai…so it’s fine…and fights me u can still tell them what u want in a decent respectful manner…movies n series me dikhate h vaisa jagda ni krna hai…you put your point across as a loving daughter to a mother, father, brother…and ye statement zarur bolna k aap meri family ho agar aap aisa krenge toh kaisa chalega…like something like this which shows u think of them as ur own…this will have a positive effect on them and tumhara sunenge b
Hope it helps
See i don’t think or behave as if they are my in laws. In fact I take more care for them and give time and love for them . Because i dodnt feel my husband or his bother is giving any sort of attention to them , they want their own things . I’ve not learnt to be selfish , otherwise I wouldn’t be having this problem i can look after my own interests and move on , that’s not what I did and that’s why it hurts .
See his family intentions and perception is totally different , and I’m ok with I’m ready to accept it.
But family also means sharing and solving problems together. I fix their problems , but no one here is mentally strong i believe to deal with any negative situation , they avoid it. This is what is happening to me.
When I start saying i have an issues itself they shut me down , and even if they listen it out , it’s like you just be happy leave it .
I just bursted out once , they spoke so badly of me . While they all can burst out I’m supposed to shut up . Yes in a family there will be fights , happy times and sad times. But what happens if everytime everyone wants to be happy and avoid and pretend like there is no issues . Go sit in their own rooms and do what they want how will the connection happen.
I’m not that sort of a person , and all these avoided issues i ahve to sort out indirectly so it doesn’t become bigger.
But i get tired too , i may need support too . I can feel bad too . And I’m totally left alone i feel so lonely and bad .
Family doesn’t run with only one person’s effort alone . I’m the youngest and i work the hardest . I don’t know whether you are getting what I’m saying it’s very draining in every manner.
I get it…well then as everyone correctly pointed out that u would need ur husband’s support…or even ur brother in law for that matter…and this avoidance of issues is the major problem in many Indian families…people just don’t want to address the elephant in the room and ignore as if everything is alright!
Even I don’t know how to handle this kind of situation…so i am sorry but I won’t b able to suggest anything for this!
Just explain everything to r husband in an elaborated manner or may b find a movie or series resembling the same thing and show it to the family or ur husband…cz movies ka asar jyda hota hai Indians pe…insan bhok bhok k pagal ho jaye par koi actor bol de ya tv pe kuch aa jaye fir sahi hota hai vo!
N agr husband ko aisa tumhari baate directly na samje and if there is someone jinko vo mante hai…like some friend or an elder in the morning extended family…try talking to them…may b unki baat samaj le ye log
Adri Farm @adrika
Oops I forgot to make my comments anonymous . Anyway I’m the one face these marital issues. Please help me out if you have any advice for me and if you find it related.
