I’m having this weird identity crisis right now, maybe someone can help?
I realized I was bi about 2 months ago, and haven’t told anyone. So everything I’ve thought about me being bi, everything I’ve read online about it, every show or movie with a bi character - has been on my own, by myself.
So it’s starting to feel like I’m living two different lives-my normal one, where until recently I just accepted I was straight, because (like almost everyone else) it was what I was conditioned to believe, because up until you tell them or they have a lot of reason to think otherwise, everyone just assumes you’re straight, and when I’m alone, where I know that I am bi, accept myself, listen to the music and watch the shows I want, without feeling embarrassed or awkward, and don’t feel any pressure.
Because of the pandemic, I don’t really have any close friends I could tell anything to, and while I know my family would be ok with it, I’ve always been more of a private person, and I want to have had a same-sex partner before I tell my parents, so I can feel more secure and confident about it.
But since when I am with other people, I fall back into my old normal, and for a split second I forget about being bi, and that is really making me feel insecure.
So this split second is making me question myself. It’s making me think it’s just a phase, maybe I’m just trying to be something I’m not, and then I think what if I’m trying to force myself to be bi, and all of this is making me nervous, scared that I will convince myself I’m not bisexual and lose this amazing thing about me that I love(most of the time).
Does every queer person go through this, or do they just know? I want to tell someone in my life, so it will be something solid, and not just something in my head I can convince myself in bad moments is a wish, or fantasy, or a lie, but I don’t have anyone I feel comfortable telling. I’m hoping to find someone when I start high school, but that’s not for a few months, and it will probably be another few months before I trust them enough to come out to them, and I’m scared I will convince myself that it’s not real because I haven’t shared it with anyone by then.