I'm feeling really empty 😅😅
I'm  focusing on my self but 
It's really hurt when i realise I'm hiding everything behind my busyness,
My smile, and fake scenario.
And it's my mistake completely cuz i broke my own promise to myself ,
And yes nowadays while focusing on studies, sometimes i Start to think something and overthink start 
And it's because of one particular person
I always want to say listen if you don't feel like to talk or if you just talking with me cuz of my past then just stop it 
And you know that will be really great cuz i get hurt whenever i wait for you , i don't know what that feeling but i feel something in my heart that , something idk but it get deeper and deeper
----And advance for everyone if you don't want to talk with someone just say i don't want to talk 
It might hurt them but they'll get better one another day 



3am Thoughts

I have a very bad past most traumatic.. I left my home  bcz after my father passed away my mom hated me she does the worst things as if  i stayed there they would kill me .. I'm now  alone working with my brother both f us are alone in a place .. I don't feel actually I dont believe in people , so called freinds ,marriages or any kind of relationship 
But daily working dealing with toxic ppl I m loosing .. I feel why m living why im suffering I don't deserve ol dis ppl treat u shit here nobody cares u r dying actually own ppl only backstabb u how can u deal with strangers  .. n I'm jus tired of hiding .. sometime I feel I get panic attack I get easily scared I get fully sweaty I still get nightmares , my heart beat jus run faster  I can't breathe coz f that .. daily gradually I'm loosing my hop   ppl makes fun of me coz I get scared easily while hearing small sound also . It's been 1 year n I'm still facing all this without anyone .. I  wished I could be happy again .

Emotional Abuse

Am feeling not that good physically and emotionally there are two sides where one is above the other which is saying don't do it, you have already ruined and lost almost everything almost already in your life and on other side which is not dominating my soul coz am trying my best to let it to is saying one last time just tomorrow a lil dose n u will not suffer from the temporary pain where my nerves inside of my both wrist are fighting for a clean pass of blod flow in my body and same is going on with my bones of ankles (all the joints part) which is allowing me to sleep and waters are rolling frequently from eyes if I try to close them, and when i switch on the fan I feel cold so i try to a sheet I feel warm again and when I switch off my fan i too hot and get wet all sweat and with that i get frequent shake of whole body with goosebumps but still am alive and I don't think this can kill right. So that's exactly how am feeling right now am suffering for being a victim of heroine addiction. 
I want to be clean and want to live this beautiful to fullest being clean am tired of it. 

Addiction

Soo ; Life is not about worrying 
Yeah u heard it right it just the way how we see our problem stop worrying and just find a solution if u haven't take ur own time of break and believe in urself I am sure u got it and handled it ....❣️💜🤗 

Hope

woke up like i am such a useless person 

Anxiety

I have become so sensitive idk why and it really sucks lol. I get v emotional when someone behaves rude to me or if someone makes fun of smth or even if they joke about smth,like it's weird cus i cannot take jokes anymore and i feel pretty low and hate myself alot. I was never insecure abt my body but now I am. Wasn't socially anxious earlier but now it's just at peak all the time. Very weird. 

I used to be so much fun person enthusiastic and active. I spoked a lot. But now I am just.. a boring person. I talk to my friends only when we have some work. I don't actively take part in conversation. I have just became a mean sarcastic person. Sometimes I feel that I have so many people to talk to but I can't . I don't know why this is happening to me. It's just no one knows anything going on in my life. It like I have distaned myself from everybody. I really don't have any friends. I feel so lonely. I want someone who can just love me the way I used to love or care or trust others. I have been putting my anger rage in control for so long period that it has ended as anxiety and panic attacks. When I am angry I just cut myself. I have became so sensitive . I cry over very little things. And I am so mean to people because for them I am the one who doesn't cry who doesn't care. I think it good when people hate you cause it's like they dont expect anything from you. They know you are gonna say something mean. I really don't care about others now. And my sister is so upset about this. But I am just like ki pls for once don't tell me I am mean but think what made me like this. What changed me to this. Sometimes I feel I don't deserve anything. I feel like to end my life. I wanna cut myself again though I know it's so baadd for me......

Depression

I can’t remember when they were together, 
Yet I got the hardest recussion. 

Confusion

im so tired. i don’t really feel like im living anymore at this point, i only exist. i am a mere shadow of the person i used to be and it’s the worst feeling. i used to be capable of so much more and now i can’t even get out of bed to go shower or brush my teeth. i can’t even reply to my friends, or do my work. im just so tired of my existence.
and i know people go through tough times and are less able to do things, but why does it feel so permanent and lonely?
i can be in a room full of people i love and still feel so alone…  

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts