i’m feeling really conflicted and frustrated. i had this friend with benef***s and well i told him that i didn’t want to continue the relationship because i just feel bad lying to my parents all the time. my parents don’t believe in having intimate relationships before marriage and always talk about how they would be disappointed/angry if that were to happen. i feel bad going against them so i decided to end things with this guy but he didn’t take it well. he said i wasn’t allowed to and that if i decided to end it he would tell my parents everything. i don’t know what to do. i just can’t tell my parents but i don’t wanna continue this.
Zak Puckett @ztothephour
not encouraging conflict, buuut, have you told him that telling your parents everything is the one way to guarantee that you two will never happen? us boys can be silly when emotions flood…
Irrelevant note: (USA)I had a fling for 2 months with one girl, she told me that she wanted to honor her parents by marrying someone of the same faith… “so how about we just break up now?” - she did not like hearing that … shrugg
Júpiter @jupiter
I’m not sure if she should threaten him, I’m far more concerned bout the fact he doesn’t now to respect her decisions.
Zak Puckett @ztothephour
right, its more of a logical consequence of his threat, but i’m with you here, dont listen to me. But also, depending on age and emotions… well… i dont know anyone that hasnt said something they know they shouldn’t have. dude got hurt by a very mature decision… tis a taste of life yes? otherwise ethics wouldnt be the subject it is?
i don’t think it would work because i just don’t want to tell my parents at all. they’ve seen me as their “perfect innocent” daughter and this would just make them see me terribly. on top of that, i know he’s just threatening me because he doesn’t want it to end and i feel like i have no way out.
Zak Puckett @ztothephour
if you dont think so, dont do it. if you can stay noble in communications, you dont have anything to hide, no one likes disappointing anybody, think of it not as finding a way out, but a moment that will fade to the background… if there’s no actual danger, let him whine and try to be tough, the less reaction you give him the better, the level of care and attention is up to you.
there was a time when i discovered my parents were just people too, perfect innocent is a nice image, but i dont know anyone who thinks that’s capable of being maintained, idk if that’s your word combination or theirs, but i know if a loved one screws something up and rightfully is ashamed… it doesnt change much for me, we all make mistakes, its about how we handle them and what we learn
Júpiter @jupiter
Oh honey, that isn’t okay, you hace all the rights of saying that you don’t want to continue something with someone even if you weren’t in this issue with your parents. He should respect your opinion if he truly loved you or even cherished you as a friend, he’s being toxic and it’s already treating you, get out of there before it gets more dangerous.
I know it can be hard, but I think you have to talk with your parents about what happened. Wish I could give you another way, I was there many years ago.
But, you made a mistake, and it’s not the end of the world, you are learning and you are proving that you genuinely feel bad. Maybe they will be angry for some time, but, it will be far worse if he is the one who tells them or they found out by themselves.
Don’t let anyone treat you like your opinions or feelings don’t matter sweetheart, a relationship is a matter of two and not only what the other wants.
Sorry if I have some spelling issues, English is not my first language.
this is the sweetest response ever. i really appreciate this, i needed to hear it. i’m so scared of confronting my parents because it’s something they feel so intensely about, i don’t know if they would forgive me.
Júpiter @jupiter
I believe they will eventually forgive you, but it maybe take a while. You have to talk with them, and why they are so concerned, it’s hard for you to admit you aren’t the perfect golden child because, actually, nobody is perfect, most of them are very good liars, like my oldest sister.
They will also need to accept you aren’t the little kid that maybe they still view you as.
It may be hard, but I believe it’s gonna eventually be for the better. Lies hurt not only the people, but yourself with the guilt they carry.
