Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I’m a terrible person and i know it, everything is a mess but I just don’t know what to do anymore, I’m a 17 year old who barely ever got attention from her family, I’m a muslim but i know nothing about my religion, i do things that i know that are forbidden in my religion but I can’t stop!, i lie to my family everyday saying i pray and i do this and i do that just to gain some of their attention, i seeked love from people online and got into bad relationships all because I don’t have any self control, my father left me when i was younger and was raised by a single mother who gave all her attention to her work and my sister who suffers from pure ocd, i barely got any love or attention, all of my thoughts were shut done and i feel like i dont have any knowledge on whats right and wrong anymore, i feel like god hates me and won’t forgive me because i know what im doing is wrong but I swear i try so hard to stop but I always end up seeking for more, im stressed, depressed, and even my therapist lost hope in me and I can’t even tell her everything cause I don’t trust her, I’m so lost and don’t know what to do anymore, i feel bad when i ask god for help when i do everything to make god angry at me, what can i do?