I’m a dropper preparing for my entrance exams. So I come from a dysfunctional household. I have my father, mother, elder brother. My elder brother doesn’t usually stay here (he stays in a hostel and is living with us due to Covid). A lot had happened in past two years. Like I have witnessed a lot of physical and psychological abuse. I’m diagnosed with severe depressive disorder and high functioning anxiety after a failed suicide attempt. Well, I do not take medications as my parents don’t want me to visit psychiatrist. Yesterday my brother was talking to a friend and he was telling how if I not qualify this year I will take up some other stream probably general stream. Look I have no wish to take up any other stream and secondly who the hell is he to decide what I’m going to do with my life. I’m already struggling with my mental health but I’m still giving my best. The worst part is I cried and begged all my family to take me to a doctor but they refused to do so. I’m pretty much on my own with my sufferings. This has greatly affected my confidence and believe me I am barely living to see myself achieve my dream life. Taking something else would mean not achieving what I want and being stuck here for another 5 years, and I’ll probably end up killing myself because this constant projection of negativity is driving me insane. Yes the situation is so bad. I just want one more year and I’m willing to do anything for my dream even if that meant sleeping for few hours in a day. I haven’t slept all night. Without my dream, ambition I will probably go insane in this mad house. Why is it that people open their mouth when they have nothing nice to say? Huh? No one has ever encouraged me and believe me one of my friends one day told me some positive things that I started crying profusely because no one had ever talked to me like that, with such politeness and positivity. My brother never had to face such situation because he was the favorite child and he is living in hostel since past 3 years for his masters. If I ever fall down I cannot rely on anyone to at least encourage me so that I can get up on my feet. I am crying even while typing this post. Please don’t comment anything negative in the comments, I already have enough on my plate (my plate is practically overflowing), this is my last resort to vent out my problems because I have no one to talk to.
I can understand your pain my friend nothing is sadder than parents fighting but you have to somehow deal with it, the only solution to your problem is to keep yourself busy everytime, dont let your brain overthink…see this depression is present because of the way you think…and thats also not your mistake its just due to situation you are facing so just go somewhere out or you can also make your daily routine or daily tasks that you have to achieve and trust me you will come out of this faster. Also take help of meditation it helps a lot and trust me you might not feel it but even i got motivated by seeing your passion for your dream you will certainly achieve success my friend.
Puh.tato @kumkum
Reading your thought, I realized one thing that you’re really passionate about your goal and dreams. This is what most of the people lack nowadays! and look you got it and willing to make the best use of it. I think there are many sites that can provide you with free medical help. You just need to reach out.
And for your brother and parents, try to ignore everything they say and focus on your goal. When you’re climbing towards your dream, there are many things or people who will try to pull you down but you gotta stay strong and keep climbing.
Even if you need someone to talk to, there are people here who will gladly listen to what you have to say, including me :) Just never ever give up. I really hope that you achieve your goals and all the happiness that you deserve!
