I’m 18. From the past 3 years I’ve been confused about my sexuality. Just 7 months ago I found out I’m a lesbian. It’s been four months I’m dating this beautiful girl. Yes it’s my first relationship but the amount of understanding and commitment we have is intense. The thing is I belong to a Hindu household. I’m the only daughter of my family. Our society is not open minded to people like me. People who are a part of LGBTQ+ are mostly taken as psychos here. Pretending to be someone I’m not is really hard for me. It’s suffocating and exhausting. I decided to come out to my mom and I did 5 days ago. She wasn’t mad about it or anything. She told me she won’t force me to be with a guy in the future or marry a guy but she also mentioned that I’m strictly not allowed to look at a girl sexually and romantically. She asked me if I had already been involved in any sexual act with a girl. I said no. I lied because I knew if I told her the truth she would restrict me from everything. About my dad he is a heart patient and also very old. My mom said I can never tell my dad about this because he is already already dealing with depression and me telling him would be even worse. Now that she shut my mouth even more it’s being more suffocating to live. Why can’t I just tell people who I really am and live a beautiful life with my girlfriend while working on our career? Growing up no one really understood me. My girlfriend being that someone is a big deal to me. She said we would figure something out but now I’m scared. Will we? I don’t think my mom will ever understand because the concept of sexual orientation is very naive here in our country. For youths like me it’s a normal thing and I’m glad in the future people belonging to my community won’t have to deal it my way but what about me? Why can’t I be someone I am? What is so wrong in loving a girl? It is a beautiful and pure feeling. It’s not a sin… Now I’m really anxious and concerned for myself and my girlfriend. I live once. I don’t wanna waste it cause of the “society” I wanna live it how I want to. Someone please help me with my feelings I just can’t stop overthinking…
I’m not really sure what to tell you but here is the thing you can always change things and be at better situation despite of your circumstances.
You can work on career and be with your girlfriend. Depends on where do you live in the country.
Where as your parents are concerns it’s great that you choose to let your mother knew about your sexuality.
Give her some time acceptance comes slowly. It must be a shock to her so don’t expect much right now.
Thank you.
