Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Exactly buddy same I don’t want to be too but i just don’t know we can’t stop ourselves right? :/ would you like to talk or something?

Yeah sure man, that would be good.

Its not the best feeling to not understand myself because i really dont want to be bi or anything, but its been a thing with me for years and I’ve tried to stop with marginal success. But no matter what, it seems like i keep coming back to this gay shit.

Hii, I’m replying to the message of “yes sure man, that would be good”. I have posted the main message, and I’ll address myself as S. So hey, where do we talk? Here or some other platform?
-S

Exactly I understand, I don’t want to be gay or bi, I know there would be nothing wrong as such because everyone is beautiful, but ykwim right? Like I don’t want to be for many factors! I just don’t understand what to do :(
-S

yeah, you can refer to me as Q. We can just talk here if you want?

Yeah sure as you wish wherever you are comfortable with. The problem here is at times this notification thing irritates and I don’t get notified properly:( So if you are skeptical about your personal identity, i have a fake acc on insta and even if you do, maybe we can text there as well lol. So anyway, fine for me here as well. So like tell me, how did this start for you, or anything which you’d want to talk about?

same, ive went to the extent of harming myself so i dont know what much there is to do. it really sucks. Q

i completely understand, have harmed myself for my existing mental illness and this confusion adds up even more. It’s like we are unable to accept ourselves, like living in one frar, suffocated everyday, thinking about future as to how it would be, going away with thoughts as to what if I am a gay* and the anxiety and depressive episodes makes it even more worse. Like I don’t and didn’t even share this with anyone but yk, it kills inside. Like what do we even do? It’s so hard
-S

I’ve also not spoken to anyone else about this before. its not because I’m fearful of what people will think of me, its that i just don’t want to be gay, simple as that. Q

Exactly exactly my point, I really don’t want to be, and like ik for a fact that in general it’s completely okay to be gay, and whoever you want to and I’m supportive of that, but when it comes to me, i really don’t want to. May i know your age if that’s okay?
-S

im 17, male. It kinda started with me since i was around 12ish. Can i ask the same from you? Q

I’m 20, male, it started maybe around when I was 13 or 12 unknowingly, but have realised that maybe I’m or not since a year or two kind. -S

im not sure how to deal with it because im not willing to accept that i might be bi. Its mainly just the porn which is screwing with me, outside of that i dont have any strong tendencies of gayness, but no tendencies of being straight either. Ive never had a girlfriend, but im pretty sure i have ADD so that might play a factor. Q

oh boy, same same here. i have been exposed to porn in this sense, and I haven’t had any gf as such before, maybe when i was in my 9th i had crushes and all and I haven’t been in a relationship or didn’t crush again ever. Straight ke I think I don’t have my qualities either just that i pretend, and haven’t had any experience of gayness either, just that porn and have been open to people accepting it and being open about relationship on social media, maybe this is all screwing up. I so wanted to talk to someone and glad that i could relate. -S

Seems like we’re both in similar circumstances, but with me the post nut clarity is immense. When im done, always without fail i just feel disgusted, but when days go past i keep coming back to it eventually.

We are exactly in the similar situation, completely relatable, like I’m enjoying the intense thing before i nut, and just that I’m done, i feel disgusted and just remove the shit. And also, during doing it or yk in the feels also it hits me lilke what’s wrong with you why are you like this kind!?!?!? -S

This is my theory towards it, perhaps due to extensive porn viewings, like atleast 4-5 times a week, i get desensitized to the normie shit that i watch. So in a search for something better i would spend literal hours trying to find “the perfect video”, resulting in me landing on some gay stuff. That might be the problem with you as well. Q

like kinda same problem, like i do shift bw things, i do watch regular porn, then again idk what rush causes in me at times and i do suddenly rush into gay stuff. Like since recently twitter porn has caught me up and the gay thing there I’ve totally messed up w it. Like this is how the loop goes on, 5-6 times a week or at times once in a day.
-S

with me, in the real world i do find girls attractive but i dont have an urge to talk with them. Im an extremely quiet person in general so i dont go about talking to random people. Most of my friends are in or have had relationships in the past before, whilst being the same age as me, so i feel like im the odd one out but i dont really care about being in a relationship, so that might mean something.

again, the same feeling. Like I don’t have an urge to be in a relationship, like almost all my friends are in relationship and doing fine, but i have never had an urge to be in a relationship with a girl, or anything as such. Like i do find girls attractive too, but idfk what’s the thing with me. Like I crave to be cared, loved, or yk call it validation, but i just dk like what’s up w me. Since recently I’ve seen gay couples on social media, how they have accepted and how they are doing, it feels nice, but I’m sure I don’t want to be, but yeah this is it kind it’s going on. -S

well thanks for talking, it was good to get another persons perspective on this topic, considering it was my first time talking about it. Hope you find your true answer soon. Goodbye. Q

I would really want to talk to you more, cause sharing and relating stuff relieves the questionable factor. But anyways, i hope you find your answer soon as well! If in case you want to continue talking, maybe continue here, or else, good bye, was great talking to you and take care! -S

not to sound cringe, but haven’t really spoken about this to anyone so that’s why wanted to share more or talk to feel good/less questionable lol
-S

Hi, very glad that you have accepted yourself:) question is regarding whether I’m a gay or bi, so confused and not wanting to he either of them, skeptical that i might be a gay, just so lost and this has been for a while :/
-S

Ok just take a minute and tell me (sorry if I sound crude) if u can imagine urself having sex wid both guys and girls. Don’t think of a relationship for now, just sex.

Also can I pls know ur pronouns

maybe i can w both, have been more into guy thing? and my pronouns are he/him, may i know yours?
-S

Mine are she/her. I just want u to know that do not rush to label urself, right now, figuring urself out might the most important thing and it might seem difficult but it gets easier. Also considering u can imagine urself wid both, u might be bi but have a preference for guys?

yes i understand that, but yk i just dont understand how to figure it out even :/ maybe as you have said preference for guys thing but im still not sure and unable to figure it out, like how to figure it out type***
-S

Is a label that important tho? Don’t rush urself, trust me it takes time. For some ppl it’s instantaneous, just one moment where they realise they’re gay but for others it does take time. I’ll tell u a story which I hope will make u feel better. I realised I might be bi in 8th standard. That was 5 years ago. And I’m not kidding but my first thought was “eww” I was like how tf can I like girls and guys. And then I had a crush on a guy and dated another guy and I completely forgot abt the day. The day when I thought I might be bi. But last year, I saw a girl on insta and I was so attracted to her. And by then, I knew quiet a bit abt LGBTQ bcs of social media and reading so this time around it was kind of better. I still had thoughts like whether I’m doing this for attention bcs subconsciously ik that being part of the lgbtq is a thing? There was a time I thought I’m aromatic bisexual. But talking to a few ppl gave me a little bit of perspective and I realised Im bi. And even that took around a month or two. The point of this rant is that rn it might seem difficult, it might look like this is the only important thing in ur life but sometimes it takes some time to truly understand urself and ur at a great start. Just give urself time and I’m sure ull find the answer