Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Idk from where to start. I’ve been feelings all these emotions altogether and it’s overwhelming I don’t know how to deal with it. Idk why I’m sharing it here but I couldn’t tell my friends exactly how I’m feeling about this thing. And by this thing i mean i fell in love with a guy who doesn’t love me back and it aches my heart knowing that he won’t be my future, even though we’re in a so called “relationship “. I would wanna say that he is toxic but he didn’t do any such thing with me that i should call him that. I used to be a very carefree and confident person until i met this guy and fell in love with. For starters i never thought i would ever fall for anyone because i tried to and it never happened with the genuine guys I’ve dated so I always thought I’m incapable of loving someone but idk how and when i fell for this guy let’s call him vansh. So we work in the company and he approached me and we vibed so much that i felt i know him since ages. Then we met and everything was going good he asked me to be his gf i said yes, all of these thing’s happened really quickly like within a week and we met again and i stayed with him and his parents for 4 days maybe that’s when i fell for him. After i came back from his place he started behaving weirdly I thought itsjust in my head but he actually started pulling away. It was very hurtful and i used to feel so lonely I didn’t even feel like bothering him so i never said anything to him because everytime i used to ask for him love and attentions he never cared and I believe you don’t have to ask for these things. If the person cares about you he/she takes out time for you but this wasn’t the case with vansh he used to say he cares but actions speak louder than words. So eventually i broke up with him after 2 months and we agreed on being friends and I thought I’ve moved on. Then he surprised me on my birthday and came to see me after 3 months i was happy but i wanted him to go at that point of time because i wanted to spend time with my friends and as I said i moved on so he wasn’t bothering me much but he stayed the night with us. He hates clubbing and i love it so my friends and I already planned to go clubbing but i knew he would never come so I didn’t even ask him but then out of no where he comes to me and says I don’t like it but I’ll go for you and we went he did a few things which made me think that he cares about me and after my birthday we didn’t talk for 2 days and i got very emotional didn’t feel like sharing it with my best friend because she doesn’t like him then called vishu but he didn’t pick my call so i ended up texting vansh and he responded within seconds and i told him to patchup and make things right. He told me a secret about his life which I don’t think any other girl would have accepted but me being blinded by his love accepted it even though I’ve always been against that thing, thinking that I’ll love him and he’ll try with his heart and soul this time. And he actually was very good for the first 5 days after our patchup and then again the old routine started happening of not giving time and this time it’s worst we haven’t spoken for 5 days and I’m stuck i wanna leave him
Because I can’t let someone treat me like shit but whenever i listen to his voice I can’t do it. My heart aches for myself knowing that he’ll never be mine but you can’t force someone to love you otherwise I would’ve tried that too😂 i really wanna fall in love again I don’t want this to be my only chance at love because this aint happening ever. I always wish the best for him but ik he’s not good for my mental peace but idk how to get away from this how to deal with this. I’m very bad at expressing and i was still not able to express how i feel because i was never an overthinker but since the day vans has entered my life I can’t stop thinking even for a sec which is very frustrating. I feel like I’ll go in depression if this continues.