Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I was 17 years old when I was in a middle of a relationship that I had entered into because he was my friend and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but I wasn’t in love with me, and he tried to control my decisions, so I decided to walk out of it. During all this was happening, I was a freelance content writer and I met this guy for whom I worked for. He told me he was based in Pune and despite, I knew only the basics, he said he will teach me, and he rarely talks to any writer like he does to me. I started sharing a mentor-mentee bond with him, and everything seemed perfect. He was vulnerable, and he shared how he had been with someone who isn’t willing to marry him, but has been seeking money. I believed him. He told me a thousand stories of how bad things happened to him, and he always happen to be right. We would talk for long hours, and work as well. But this was all through virtual means.

I was naive and vulnerable. My mental health had hit the slide and my mistake was seeking solace in him. I started considering him a friend. I’d share things with him, and he would share his. It was a pure bond. I kind of started feeling attracted to him, but he was older, he told me he was 6-7 years older. He would tell me how he had helped others and suffered, and how he was afraid to help now, but still helped me whenever I needed. He seemed kind.

4 months into this, we started dating. It was long distance, he was older, but it felt real. I was a child and I thought everything will be fine. It wasn’t. He would not share his pictures very often saying he wasn’t comfortable clicking them. He would not allow me to video call me saying his parents are conservative. He wouldn’t talk to me in and around his house for the same. He would walk down to a park to talk to me. I’d request him to come to my city, but he said let’s be sure focus and you need to focus on your work. I didn’t see any of the red flags because I didn’t want to make my partner do something they were not comfortable with.

Months passed. Everything was perfect. We never fought. I had no complaints. I respected him boundaries, told him to respect mine. Anotber fishy thing was he wasn’t in the favour of telling about us to my friends. I did very soon, but he wasn’t very supportive with this. Even when we had a fight, he would say I am afraid you will take legal action against me. I would laugh because I thought why would I do that I loved him.

He would offer to buy me gifts, but I wasn’t very supportive of taking gifts. If I would offer to send something, he would say I will ask when you’d earn money. Months into our relationship, he came to my city to meet me and stayed at his cousins place. They didn’t know about me. No one did. I would insist to tell to somebody so that if anything wrong happens, I have somebody to reach to
. He said his parents will force him to marry, and I was too young. So I cooperated. We met. Everything was perfect. He was dreamy.

When I had asked about his ex, before entering into our relationship, he said he declined money favours, so she blocked him. I asked more questions, whenever I’d ask he would say I will tell you when we will see each other.

I believed. When we did, we told me everything, I don’t know which parts our true. He left. He came again 3 months later. At one instance, I was making fun of Aadhar caed pictures and had his wallet in my hand, he snatched it from me. I would insist he would say it’s very bad. I ignored.

He left few days later. And he asked me to find places to stay for him. He wanted to move to my city. So 8 months later, I was. Covid happened. He stopped calling me. No Video calls. No calls
Just texts. I would request saying I need to hear you, he would say if he would step out, his parents are old, anything can happen. I said but you can talk from here, we would fight and things would be under the carpet. This continued for 6 months. We completed 2 years and then he called me fir a minute to wish me.

A few months before we turned two, I got to know he had a sibling. A sister which I had known about, but when we met he said he was only child and I assumed she must be his cousin, but they might be close. He lied. I got to know it after 1.5 years. It was a small thing, but the point was he lied. I fought. We fought a lot. Before forgiving him, I would ask him if there’s anything else he lied about or else when I get to know in ruture. I will leave. He said it was a misunderstanding he never wanted to lie.

I developed a sense of fear, a thing that something is wrong. 2 years 3 months later. I’d randomly ask him what his age was. And he would laugh and say 12. 2
. I am a foetus. He had told me his exact age when we met, but I started doubting it. But considered it a doubt of overthinking, than facts. 2 years 3 months later, I was having this conversation again, when a normal conversation turned into a fight and I figured out he was 13 years older to me.
I was in pieces. I broke up with him.

I was afraid if he had been married. I wanted to know, I tried. I don’t know yet. He knew I was a kid. I trusted him. It’s been 5 months, but I find it difficult to deal with it. I wish I could know the truth.