Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I used to be the person that tried to look for positive things even in the worst of situation, but nowadays I struggle to see anything. Even if it’s a positive thing, I fail to be happy or excited about it. Every night when I go to sleep, I wish to not wake up in the morning. but then every next morning I find myself alive. And then I just say thank you to God for keeping me alive. I know that sounds screwed upright. If someone were to kidnap me, I would be thankful to them for kidnapping me. I would even be grateful if they kill me. I have no objection to someone killing me. I wouldn’t even protest if someone points a gun/knife at me. Instead, I would be thankful to them for ending my life because I am a coward and I can’t take my own life. Even in the times that I have tried, I have failed at it and I no more have the courage to do so.