Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I taught my cousin sister is sexually unsatisfied even she is married her age is 26 and her hus age 37 she used to watch porn also. I thinked this way due to her desire she used to move close to me i felt uncomfortable im a shy and innocent guy i think she is that kind of girl but never crossed my limit, to know what she is thinking i misbehaved with her she used behave normal even getting close, after that her parents passed away she gone into depression and i too so i taking care of her and her sister i saw she is getting close with my brother in law i felt worried why she keep moving close with her i taught she may make relationship with my brother in law , or any person if she do i think she will ruin both families and i decide to ask her and im very shy guy don’t know this type of things and said to her i got feeling on you becz ur moving close to me like and she said no i felt so mad hw she is thinking mad about i got into depression and porn addicted and misbehaved with her multiple time when i apologies she used to talk to me but i never changed my mind i used to keep hurting her and felt sad if she not talking to me i felt so sad and when she talking to me i ignored her later i realizes and tries to talk with her she avoids me , one she caught me spied on her in bathroom and tell to my sis and mom they taken me to therapist he said this is common don’t be depressed like this but how can i do this to my sister she is already in pain , i overthinked about her and i depressed and now im in this stage where i don’t want to live . Why im not kind of person why i behaved like this im hating myself , she is not talking to me im feeling like hell , i loves her so much but its gone another way , i used to care her so much but now everything has changed , iam feelings bad for my behavior hw she is thinking hw bad she felt when i do this hw much she gone into stress and hw bad she felt i missed the girl who loves me so much , i loses her trust how can i get her trust again she used to care for me even i misbehaved with see hw much she care for me, i behaved like this im hating myself , i hurted the first person in my life ,my overthinking has taken me to this situation, im hating my life