I really want to talk to people who have been dealing with health anxiety. If you are there , and if you have the mental capacity to hear me out, please let me know . 

3am Thoughts

How have you been the last few days ? 

Affirmations

help !!! i have social anxiety and have been trying to have a conversation with my closest cousin for yearsssssss. i'm only able to say "hi" but even that took me the longest time to get through. he's coming over this weekend so i want to take this chance to have an actual conversation. whenever there's family gatherings/trips, he's basically the only cousin there. we practically grew up with each other but live very far apart. 

Social Anxiety

I am all alone everytime. Three years back I lost me elder brother from then i got all alone and there is lot pain in my heart . I need to take it out anyhow otherwise i will be in trouble , anyone plz help me out of this.

Lonely

O simple things

POV: book character's view on the reader 

"Your hands turning each page with impatience, it makes me wonder how much you enjoy reading these words that I have dedicated to you, for you, and only you. Your eyes reading every word with a soft flicker makes my face fluster as you gaze at the sentences that I am too shy to speak, but restless enough to write. You may be reading me, but I'm the one who's captivated by you."


By:- a comment i saw on ig username, the person's name is @pupusa.wifey 

God give me a cat instead of depression

Hi, I think I might have breast cancer. I'm only 19 years old. Two weeks ago I think,  I noticed my right nipple had a white discharge in it, at first I ignored it but then it started bothering cause I though maybe a pimple had just grown on it or something. So I decided to remove the discharge myself and it just kept coming out every time I would squeeze. So I just left it and figured it'll go away after another couple of days. But it's still here. Note, I'm still I virgin, and have had no sexual interactions.

Then 3 days ago, about a week after I found the nipple discharge, I was getting ready to go to sleep when I felt pain under my right armpit. I felt there and felt a lump, I thought it was just maybe a pimple forming so I put some balm on it and went to sleep. The next day the pain was gone but the lump was still there. It only hurts a little bit when I push on it. But apart from that there is no other pain.
So I decided to do some research and it lead me to believe that I might have breast cancer. That or I'm just being paranoid. No one in my family to my knowledge has had breast cancer but my dad has had both thyroid and prostate cancer.

I also (probably not related) have developed a wart of some sort on my left inner tigh about a year ago and it has grown significantly since then. I went to see a dermatologist a few months ago but she told there was nothing to worry about.

I'm scared and honestly don't know what to do.

Anxiety

It was kinda okayish day yesterday. I didn’t get anything done again but atleast I made some art and whenever I do art, it feels like my life has some purpose, be it for those 15 minutes. I feel like I’m creating something and putting it out in the world to see. Lately, I was not feeling like doing anything but yesterday I just picked up my supplies and drew for about 30-40 mins, at that time, my whole family was around me but their voices seemed all blurred out to me. It was like I’m in some other world of my own. I felt like that after a long time. That’s my only way to not think about all the mess in my life. Although idk why suddenly but I’m getting flashbacks of me getting beaten up as a child. I mean it’s not like I never thought about it earlier but now these flashbacks are quite frequent. Those marks on my body don’t hurt anymore physically but it feels like they are still hurting. Every time I get these flashbacks, I go into anxiety episode. I start hyperventilating and there’s this constant pain in my chest and legs feel so week like someone bashed them out. 
I remember the day when my parents found out I have Facebook account in 10th standard and they casually called me for lunch, and I could pick up a vibe at that time, that something is not right. And as soon as we were done with lunch. My father confronted me if I have a FB account. Ofcourse as a scared child, I denied it. But apparently they showed me pics and all and just started beating me. His face, that angry face filled with disgust that he has a characterless daughter, I still remember that. Slapping, punching, kicking me wasn’t enough, he brought out a long wooden stick, it was almost as long as my height at that time, he started beating me up with that, and he did that till that stick broke into two pieces. I had few guy friends added from my school in that Fb account. And it was mostly casual conversations with every single person added, be it a guy or a girl. But there was also my crush, and chats were sort of flirty (not exactly though) and that was the proof for my family to label me as characterless. My mother and brother were just watching me getting traumatised, that wasn’t enough for them, my brother said to me (in front of my parents) that ‘you are behaving like a slut, if you continue doing this you’ll get labelled as a whore by society and the way you behave, I believe you can sleep with anyone’ 
Those were the exact words, I still remember. Getting labelled characterless by my own family at the age of 14. 
Within a week they found out my personal dairy and then they confronted me again. Read every single page of that and humiliated me. Started following me to my tutions and asking my Tution teacher and other kids if there was actually a tution class in the morning or did I just make it up.. 
in that dairy, I wrote a lot of things, me getting bullied in school, feeling bad, or that I need somebody to understand me, just listen to me once..they ignored all that like it was never there and only focused on the ‘boy’ part. 

And now after almost 7 years of this happening, I still get scared of them. They tell me they love me, and I really believe them but there’s still that doubt that if I ever do even a little thing wrong, they’ll just start beating me again. 
At that age, I needed someone to listen to me, that someone close to our family is sexually assaulting me for years. But how could I tell them after knowing how much they’ll support me. I know I’d have been blamed. How do I tell them it happend again, two years ago. I know I’m their child and they love me. But do they trust me or support me? I highly doubt that.
I just wanna be heard, just once I wanna tell them I wasn’t wrong. 
I feel like ending my life, but I’m scared what if i won’t be successful, and end up alive. They’ll be disappointed again. But for now, night is all I have to cry it out.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts