Thought

If you or somebody you know is currently struggling, please take deep breaths and reach out to somebody. Here are few resources that may help.
๐Ÿ‘€
Anonymous

I really need a side opinion on the following topicโ€ฆ

Sometimesโ€ฆ I just want to choke on my own tears and become nothing but a tiny cloud; I want to rip off my own skin and scream my lungs out, after which become eternal nothingness to never ever bother about a thing.
I enjoy feeling broken since then nobody expects anything from me, their pity is an enjoyable excuse for distancing myself.

This year was harsh. Iโ€™ve gone through so much crap combined at the same period of time that I feel like someoneโ€™s puppet.
My dearest pet friend passed away last month after long days of pain and sickness, I still have hard time coping with it. Yet another unpeaceful deathโ€ฆ My other pet got beaten up by a moron that I happen to share roof with - and thereโ€™s no way to get rid of him yet, Iโ€™m serious. And a cherry on top of this shit-cake appeared my self-doubt.

Iโ€™ve been thinking endlessly about meaning of doing anything in life. Like whatโ€™s the point of even trying if at death bed itโ€™s all the same. I do appreciate living and want to keep enjoying it, but whenever another bad day strikes, I simply forget about enjoyment.
My mind goes blank very often. I suddenly stop listening to anyone, get lost in my depressing thoughts.

Andโ€ฆ I simply canโ€™t express myself at this point. Iโ€™ve been hiding all the thoughts and pain in my heart, expecting people to give me default โ€œokโ€ answer because they either donโ€™t care or donโ€™t think itโ€™s that serious, just like they always did. Orโ€ฆ They honestly donโ€™t know what to tell me.
Thereโ€™s so much stuck on me, I want to cry my soul out, but thereโ€™s just no privacy in my life. And my friend (that I usually vent to) started acting cold towards me as well, since my โ€œblank stateโ€ moments caused me avoid contacting her for weeks. At this point, itโ€™s too awkward to chat with her at all.

I seriously want to tell all this my mum, but thereโ€™s that cruel asshole yelling around and acting like a complete douche. Whenever I get a moment to talk with my mum, he screams about needing her attention for whatever reason, and bam. Sheโ€™s gone for this weekend. Not gonna be able to talk due to her job.
Whatโ€™s even worse, he spent bunch of money that were saved for my birthday for his needs and alcohol-brewing. Now heโ€™s drunk for entire week and been both untrusting and twice annoying.

Iโ€™m not sure if my current mental state just temporary problem and I should simply โ€œlive onโ€. I also would like to know what should I do with all this messโ€ฆ
Thank you for reading this mess. Excuse the nonsense moments, I really need some sleep.

2 replies

Shelby @shelby1

โ€ข

Hi there. I have just made this account as I as well do not know what to do anymore. I am so sorry to hear that your pet has passed away and that your other pet has been hurt. Iโ€™m not sure if the person under your roof is a roommate or a partner but they should be removed as it doesnโ€™t sound like a safe situation which is easier said than done. Alcoholism runs in my family and unfortunately is something I have to deal with very seriously in my life and my family members. I am so sorry to hear about the turmoil you have been through in the last little while. My name is Shelby and I would love to be there for you. I donโ€™t know that I have the answers for you but I can definitely be a friend. Love and light to you ๐Ÿ’•

anuj vohra @anujvohra

โ€ข

Hi, sorry to hear about what you are going through. Itโ€™s really difficult. Alcoholism is tough to manage. Take care of youself.

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