Thought

kil kil @melonapricot

I need your advice, so my fiancé and I moved in together on November 2021, before moving in he lived with his sister who is a student, he had the requirement that his sister continues to live with us until the end of the school year which is in June here, and we agreed that we would get a big appartement as long as we lived there the three of us, then we would move out after that somewhere else, now that the school year has ended his sister still lives with us and he says he doesn’t want to move out, every time I talk about it it bursts in a huge fight, and he accuses me of wanting to kick out his sister by wanting to move houses, but I am just sticking to the initial plan, I don’t know what to do?

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11 replies
Anonymous

You need to leave him. This will seap into all of the decision and your autonomy going forward. If you can you should leave him as you’re not even married yet. You need to think if he’s unwilling to do what he said he would and is now blaming you for asking him to do what ‘he’ said he would then how can you trust this person going forward for anything else. If you’re uncomfortable with something, you’re uncomfortable. You don’t need a justification not especially when it’s not something that you didn’t force on him but his own words that lead you to agree to this. You need to take care of yourself and get a person who honors their word as you do. You deserve better. And if you can’t, you need to learn about such a person and what they’re capable of and learn how it’ll be possible to live with such a person and how to protect yourself in it. Stay safe my friend. I am so sorry to hear this. He seems like a very controlling and manipulative person. He might also be controlling his sister to stay maybe lord knows.

kil kil @melonapricot

This is the only reply claiming accountability of my fiancé, and thank you for it, all the other replies are almost blaming me for not keeping a promise, thank you for your reply, I am deeply depressed because of the situation and I am scared I won’t be strong enough if I leave, but I will try my best to get out of this situation

Anonymous

Please get help and take care of yourself. I’m sorry I wasn’t available to respond to you. But Im sticking to this then. I’m glad you got this response and i was able to give it because i don’t know how I’d have felt if I didn’t. I’m going through my own similar situation but not exactly so i wouldn’t want to assume anything or project my own situation on this. But know, you’re not the one who’s done anything. You’ve done everything you could to accommodate and compromise and sacrifice or whatever… Just don’t anymore. Or slowly you’ll have to give up everything.
There’s much more I’d written to send you but I think going to doctor Ramini’s channel will help you more in identifying your specific situation. Please don’t give up on yourself, get therapy (but it’s hard to get trauma, narcisisim and etc informed therapist atleast in India if you’re from somewhere else pls check resources) Doctor Ramini also has resources mentioned in her videos and there is a whole community in the comments there. Please get help, take car of yourself and educate yourself so you don’t have to deal with someone like this again. Sending you all the love, best wishes and the safety and clarity to make the tough decisions you’ll need to make now. I wish for you peace and hopefully he gets therapy or you can find a way out before you guys actually get married. You deserve someone better. Don’t settle for half ass manipulative shit in the name of love and companionship. 💖🌼🫂

Sanket @sanket

Uh cant the environment be tweaked so that his sister stays with you guys?
A member in a family always adds value, perhaps relations are required to maintained.
A non nuclear mentality can be constructive here

Sanket @sanket

It is okay if the initial plan is not the same today, some adaptations should be understandable

kil kil @melonapricot

I forgot to say that she is working and has a decent salary now, so I don’t see where the problem is with sticking to our plan, I sacrificed my own comfort to be able to rent a big house because I work very far from where I actually live, I think it is very selfish to decide by himself that we should stay in that situation because he feels all comfortable with it, plus it is not honest at all to promise something to someone and turn you back on them just like that because you decided to

Sanket @sanket

Well usually plans are strictly followed in formal arrangements.
This is family, your partner has not backed out instead he decided to stay connected with his sister and you should be proud for his family building gesture
Yes of course he should have discussed this with you, this is his mistake.
Genuine mistake.
Somewhere it is unfair towards your sacrifices and makes you the one who is the giver in this relationship.

However add done positive managerial thinking. Think that now there are three source of income and collectively you guys could lead a better lifestyle.

Again your thoughts are completely valid and understandable. My mindset belongs to a non nuclear family, hence am writing such family constructive thoughts.

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Saurav Kumar @saurav04

Try putting yourself in his situation.
You will know the answer of your situation you may looking for!!

kil kil @melonapricot

I tried to put myself in his situation when I accepted that she lives with us for a reasonable period of time, now that she works I don’t see any problem in having our own intimancy and her hers your point is not valid sorry, we agreed beforehand that she would only stay temporarily

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Saurav Kumar @saurav04

Well you have your answer then!

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Anonymous

I guess it depends upon the person you are living. If its pain in the ass then it’s total messed up situation. If the person is adjusting well then I don’t think that must be your problem. Just a random thought maybe I am wrong

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