I missing some people which means lot to me. I made mistakes and they don't talk to me anymore. I lost them. I feel lot of emptiness. Alone. How to fill that void? 


Depression

Hlo good morning everyone

3am Thoughts

Hardest day I’ve had in a long long time 

Exhausted

When I thought things were going well, everything started going downhill. 

How healthy is it to jealous of your boyfriend’s “girl” friends or exes? Asking for a friend ?

Other

Anyone Bi here? 

Is everyone okay? <3

Teri Jhalak Asharfi Srivalli
Naina Madak Barfi
Teri Jhalak Asarfi Srivalli
Baatein Kare Jo Harfi.....

Crush

Dear ma,
Maybe one day you will see, that things were never that easy for me as you thought it is. I never excelled anywhere, I never had the audacity to make you proud. I never had any friends in 18 years of life. I am always sidelined by everyone . I’m never invited to any fancy parties, even if I were ,my confidence crumbled me up. My high school year never has given me any reason to smile. 10th ended but not my 'miseries ’ . The first time I realised that I’m a real failure is when I didn’t get accepted in Dps Vasant Kunj. I felt what real heartbreak felt like. Every time any topic related to 11th school change/ delhi domicile came up. This failing memory came to my mind. 11th starting- I did not become a scholar. I was sooo happy that even though I got 87% in 10th boards I will finally become a scholar and I’ll get to see that proud smile on your all faces my name will be called up on stage. But the rules changed last moment and so did my happiness. Only 90% above were awarded and the rest were left to self doubt their worth. That was the first time I cried in school and was made fun of. Showing Emotions never payed my off well. Then came my 17th bday. I finally decided to come out of my shell and celebrate my bday with my ‘friends’. But as usual no one showed up except 2 ppl and I had invited 12 people. I had to beg and cry on birthday for them to show up. Maybe that’s why I’ve become so clingy to keep the rest of the people in my life. Few humans have done dirty to me soo many times but my over-forgiving nature hops in bw me and my self respect. 11th final I failed in chem. I had to make my dad feel embarrassed in front of my teacher. Never did he got to hear any appreciation about me yet here we were sitting in the reception hearing all kinds of ugly things he could. This was the moment I thought ki ab bass. Aur nahi hoga. Khatam kar deti hoon ye sab. I just wanted to leave this world. Dying felt the only reasonable answer to my questions. I was sooo heartbroken as if I would burst. My chest felt heavy, my eyes burned, my tongue dried up whenever I thought about it. That anxiety was killing me from the inside. Self harm seemed the right option. Shameless Aahana again is failing everywhere today in 12th grade. I’m just a disappointed who only knows how to waste their parents money on fancy coaching who inly just want to see their child rise. But how do I tell you that this child is good for nothing? This child will only be a disgrace to u ppl. Because my hardwork is never enough to get into a good college. And I will continue to be a disappointing child. Maybe that’s why my frustration gets out here and there.When shaurya (younger brother) also says that I get bad grades, I get all hyper because I’ve never been good at it. And it is my weak spot. In short my choti si life had never been in my favor. And I know I will continue being an embarrassment. Pls don’t keep any expectations from me
Aahana
I wrote this a few days back after my mom and I got into a bad fight. I never planned on sharing this with anyone. Yet here i am



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