I miss you.

I realised that I hate myself, I hate that even though you hurt me, I still stupidly have a place for you in my heart. I hate that I feel like my bounders are moving - I’m scared that one day I’ll end up being one of those wives that has a husbands that cheat but all they will say is “its okay, as long as he knows to come home”
I hope I don’t become like this.

I’m scared to let all my friends know what happened, im scared that if I tell them how you hurt me, 
and if I go back to you.
I’m gonna be slapped silly. 
I wish we both tried harder in this relationship.
I wish we both reached out a bit more.
I wish we were both abit stronger.

Anxiety

'Sometimes you will never know the value of something, until it becomes a memory....

3am Thoughts

May you find hope and that one mf who holds you tight in the end of the day saying you did your best 💖

All I did was smile, even though my heart was being shattered into pieces, as you mentioned the words... "If I break things up, would you still be my friend?"..
It's funny to think that you said you would never leave me... Since I had come from a dark place where you can't trust anyone... I wasn't naive and I didn't believe a word, but as the time passed I started to believe in that promise. We would have been celebrating our 2 year mark this friday, but instead you left... and all you could say was.."what do I do with the things you gave me?"
I did see some signs but I didn't want to think of it... I wanted to believe you when you said that you loved me... I wanted to believe that  I was wrong, but I should have listened. I should have been brave enough to stop it. 
I don't regret dating you, but I do regret letting me fall hard for you. 
Now I'm alone. Feeling nothing, but pain. I've always lived with depression, I'm used to feeling numb. All I want to die Is hide from the world and never come out. I can't sleep, and if I do all I have is nightmares. My anxiety Is up in the roof, and my tears are always coming down. I know that eventually I'll be free from this curse and find happiness and peace, but for now... this is all I have left, and the stuff you left behind...

Breakup

As I go through your photos, I can hear my heart shattering. I try to put up an act and give a smile back to everyone near me... but I can't help at night to think about you and remember all those beautiful moments that we spent together... 
makes me wonder...
Was it so easy for you to leave and forget about it all? I wish I could ask but I know the answer is only going to hurt more than to fix the problem.
I remember when we first started dating, I told you about my past and I was afraid to do so because I thought it would drive you away, but it didn't, you stayed and I loved that. 
Now I can't  stop thinking about why you left... I was there for you, I helped you improve and see life in a different way... I helped you improve your grades, get a better job, and I supported you with different hardships. 
Now that you are okay, I am the one with problems, mentally and physically... instead of being there for me, you told me that you can't help me and left. 
How is this fair I thought... it doesn't matter anymore... I still love you, but I can't help but wonder... since when did you stop caring about me... since when you stopped loving me... since when did you used me for attention... and just why did you do me like this... I thought  that we were going to end up together forever, and even though I had never imagined/wanted myself married and with children, I was willing to do it because you wanted it...
That's how much I love you, now everything is in the past, and all I have left is the sounds of my heart crushing at the sight of your pictures. 

As the day closes in, those memories start getting profound again 

Memories will right people will always remain priceless.🙂

Memories

I'm sorry for the role I played. But you shouldn't have kept me in the dark. I am sorry for all the harsh and rude statement, i know you're hurt too. So am i. Things are never going to be the same. All you had to do was keep faith in me for once. Why didn't you? I love you. It sounds scary but i do. I really really love you. I just hope we don't end this way. I miss you way too much. And i know there are things you are hiding from me to keep me safe and not Hurt. But for that just confess them once just once . And i will believe you over everybody i promise you that. Don't try being a villain because you're not. I've always seen the good in you the light in you over everything. I still do. I know the time and people and everything just way to messed up. And i get it. But the heart wants what it wants. I grew up with you , physically mentally. Shared all my happiness and sorrow with you. Don't run away. I don't wanna let you go. I'll wait for you. I'll wait for things to get better. Because I've been in love with you since last five years without even realising it. You gave me all the love and care that i ever needed. I fucking care about you and love you way too much. Now watching you walk away it is just breaking me. You were right heartbreaks are devastating. Just don't leave. We can make things right. I wanna wait for you as long as you want me to. Just don't go away please don't. You're the best thing that happened to me in my entire teenage. Forgive yourself, forgive me and let's walk pass this. Please. I love you. I cannot hate you. I tried. I said stuff. But 2 days later when i came back to my senses i realised that I'll be the one suffering if anything ever happens to you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I love my family the most in this world and you are my family. Please don't turn into this stranger it hurts it really does. Come back. Everything will be fine. 

Love

The pleasure of remembering had been taken from me, because there was no longer anyone to remember with. It felt like losing your co-rememberer meant losing the memory itself, as if the things we'd done were less real and important than they had been hours before

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts