I lost one of our family member but never have I ever cried my heart out. It feels weird. And strange. I want to cry so much that blood will fall out. But I just couldn’t for some unknown reason. It feels so heavy on my chest like it’s weighing me down. All I’ve ever felt was extreme sadness. I do feel like I’m getting crazy haha
hey hey listen just spill it out… say it aloud or write it in any language… but just take it out
Thank you. But honestly, it’s no biggie. I’m… DEVASTATED, FRUSTRATED, MAD, EXHAUSTED, and all sorts that I couldn’t tell. My papa died right in front of me. I haven’t been home for months and that’s what had met me when I got home. He had always refused my help telling me he’s just fine. I made sure and he smiled and said yes.
But to tell u honestly, we didn’t get along that well. He’d always scold me for something I’d never done or he mistakenly thought I had done. He always took my little sister’s side when she’s always wrong, even making up stories. That led me to hatred. I became stubborn and didn’t listen to him. Even when I came back to town, I barely visit our house and just go to my aunt(which they weren’t in good terms with). I thought it’s the best feeling being away from them. Yes, it is indeed. I felt free. And it felt good.
But right after he’s buried, while I was staring blankly at the tomb, my bro told me that why I didn’t look back on our home. That why I was being mean. That my papa hated me all along. To which, made me so much worse.
i can totally understand what you are going through and you know fathers have a silent language of love. they don’t really express it, taking your siblings side was not at all a hatred for you and trust me a parent can never ever hate their child. you have been far from your home, becoz you might be teenager or early adult then so in that age we under estimate your parents the most!
even after all this he might have never hated you, even if he showed on face there is definetly not by heart. and now when he is gone you are realizing it all, which is bit obvious! man stop blaming yourself now. you can’t go back in time but yes now go home, take responsibilies he left behind! be a support of your family! a strong pillar!
its already hard for your family to get up from this and i know this whole thing is eating you up from inside! cry it out, that is all you can do!
and stand with your family now
may you get strength to get through this
much love for you <3
