I lost my brother few years ago , I didn’t get time to grieve for him . After his loss I became the most sensitive person in the world . I had to come back and forth to see my parents but i had to stay in abroad because i had to complete my course . His loss has caused all 3 of us a lifetime struggle . Financially, mentally, emotionally.
My parents are getting older and they are becoming sick as day pass by . I somehow managed to complete my course and I thought I could change something. But it seems like my parents are so stuck about the past and they are not ready to make any changes . My mom wants to adapt a new kid . She enquired everywhere but they are not ready to give because my dad isn’t ready to take a burden of another child which is understandable. I on the other hand feel terrible . I can’t fix their health coz they won’t listen . I have entrance exams in 6 months to get my license I don’t know how ill do it . I have compressed disc in my back . I am unable to sit . Not to lie my parents did all they could to fix it but i finally got nerve block injection but it doesn’t work much . I am still in main physically, mentally and what is happening in my home is draining me emotionally. I don’t know what I should focus on , my studies or my health or my parents or should i go work ? Not everyones life is rainbows and unicorns some of are barely surviving and living without will . I hope nobody goes through what I went through. I know ppl say be strong but really I’m so done with life . I feel terrible to live . Wherever i go I don’t have peace. I lost a brother , loved ones and matter of fact I’m scared of losing my parents one day and i know everyone will leave me and i will be alone in this world . Those who used to be my friends back stabbed me . Idk i feel like i became one of those ppl who belong to the category of those people who kept suffering and died one day . One day it was all blessing . Next day everything is so dark and dull that you have no idea how to come out of it . I don’t blame anyone . I can’t ask my parents to not to get sick . But at least I expect them to value my words . I asked for a dog , its a no . I asked for a house its a no . I wish my brother was alive . I really thought he wouldn’t leave me . But what can i say i think I’m supposed to go through all this . I don’t want kids or marriage unless I’m stable . Honestly I don’t want marriage because i know the struggles . I just want things to go back how it was . I seriously want ppl to miss me so hard that they regret their whole life for being unfair to me . Even after my brothers death i take his side . Because i love him. He was my brother . After all how can i not ((
so many thoughts, take care!
