Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I just want to die. I don’t think I can carry on too long. My parents don’t want me to go the therapy because they think I’m being overdramatic, I can’t sleep, I feel tired all of the time, I actually skipped class yesterday because I didn’t have the energy for it. I tried thinking positive and I know we don’t feel positive all of the time but I feel as if my happiness has a time limit. I am destined to be depressed and I feel addicted to it because it’s the only thing I know.
I am an immigrant female, I live in a one-room studio apartment with my parents, my sister and my grandmother. We have been living like this for almost six years. My mom works as a housekeeper and my father has no job. We’re broke, we can’t afford anything. My friends want to come over to do normal teenage things like chat, sleepover, etc. But even if they are aware of my situation, I am embarrassed to let them in, I haven’t let my boyfriend at the time in either and this was one of the main reasons he broke up with me. I am 18 and I never had a room, any privacy and my family is just yelling, fighting.
The pandemic made things worst as I was stuck with them during the lockdown. I can’t hang up posters or have my own space. I feel trapped. Whenever there are guests, I don’t have a place to go to, so I have to stay in a corner and wait for them to leave so I could be in my pyjamas, and they leave usually at one am on a school night.
I am grieving over the fact that I never had a real teenage life for over five years. On top of that battling with undiagnosed severe depression and anxiety. I am living in hell. I don’t know what to do, the only solution is suicide.