I just want to be able to let go.
I’m tired of always feeling left out and always being the second choice when it come to friends. I get close to someone and we tell each other everything but it always result in one of these: they find someone else , I’m always left out, I’m just the side friend now, drift , they talk about me behind my back , they are toxic. I always wonder “why am I never good enough , what’s wrong with me” but I never seem to do anything but love them and be goofy and close and fun, and my boyfriend always has to tell me that I’m not the problem. My boyfriend is my bestfriend, I just want a girl bestfriend that will actually stay by my side , not make me question if I’m good enough. Im legit scared from last friendships, I always overthink that my friends are talking bad about me , or that they are mad at me even if I didn’t do anything, but they never seem to understand it. They never ask how I am, or check up on me even thought I tell them I overthink.Sure I have some good friends now but I’m so scared to be so close, I’m just gonna end up getting hurt by the ones I try to love.
I know how you feel, how it hurts and that it’s scary but you have to just put yourself out there and be honest and trust people. Not straight away, go with your gut and just be careful. But do try to be honest