I just really need ANY advice for my specific situation. I’ve looked online, talked to friends, and have a therapist but it still feels like such a hopeless situation and it’s really impacted my ability to properly care for myself.
What you need to know:
- I’m a recent college graduate living w/ my parents, can’t move out due to (1) the virus (2) no car/can’t drive (3) no job
- Can’t remember much of my childhood, but after getting a therapist last summer I’ve discovered that my mother was neglectful; often leaving me at school for hours on end, not answering her phone for school/friend’s parents, and purposefully pulling us out’ve after school programs because it was too much work for her
- My mother is a stay-at-home, narcissistic, hoarder who isolated me to only depend on her. Only recently has my father tried to intervene, but he’s also beat down from her calling the police on him (lied he hit her) and made the mistake of sharing a bank account with her (this was done halfway into the marriage to “show trust” on his part).
My problem:
I’m stuck in my room all day because I’m physically affected by even seeing/hearing my mom after realizing all this awful stuff about her, it’s completely replaced the image I had of her. My dad is very emotionally distant as are my siblings, the friends I’ve reached out to sympathize but aren’t much better. I’ve been dealing with this for so long that it really feels hopeless and that’s affecting my ability to really do…anything. I sleep for longer/don’t go to bed, fail to take regular showers/brush teeth/skin care/etc, and avoid the kitchen and therefor food because she’s always there. I just avoid doing anything (job hunting, cleaning my room, continue learning to drive) because even if I make progress on any of those it doesn’t make me happy because the bigger problem is always there. Any tips? Similar stories?
Sneha Anand @sneha08
Hi, not an advice but I know how it feels to be in the same room as someone who doesn’t understand you and it’s such an uncomfortable feeling.
And more than that when home doesn’t feel like home. It’s a Nomadic feeling altogether. The Covid hasn’t made it any easier.
Well, all I could say that just try something and figuring things out for yourself. And I am not gonna lie that you will feel like shit somedays but just focus on the bigger picture.
Thanks for sharing though.
Lots of strength to you 🌻
Mx Shay @sxkurxchxn
Hi! I’m r̥eally sorry about your situation!
Not sure if this will help but I’m gonna try!
1. I think you should talk to your dad first… and together you can probably figure out a way to talk to your mom… and try to help her change, be a better person
When you and your dad are talking about how to make the situation better… think about exactly what to say, list the points, if you need to read from a paper… it’s fine… as long as it gets the message out there…
Also… I think while you talk to your mom with your dad about this… everyone should speak calmly… no raising voice… no swearing… because if any of this happens it is only going to make the situation worse…
I hope this helps out! When/If it does you can practice driving and try finding a job again… and maybe live a happy life again! Anyway… Have a nice day!
Thank you so much for responding to this post y’all, I understand it’s really tough to give advice on my situation. But, somehow it helps just to know others worried about me for a couple minutes enough to write something. Thanks
Hi,
Thank you so much for expressing about it…
I am not sure if my words will help you in anyway
See dear one
You have written that you are dealing with all this since a long time
You have tried to overcome it also…
Now just think over this
By u not eating well
By u not sleeping well
Is anything at your home improving…
Are you deriving any good out of neglecting yourself…
Does it affect your mom???
What is the advantage of your approach
Any benefits
Or only harm
N whose harm it is
Think over it…
You are just aggravating your problems my dear…
By taking so much stress,tension
By thinking so much about all this you are just creating new troubles for self…
You are making ur situation more worse…
Your life is ultimately your life…
All harm or good that happens
Happens to you…
I know it hurts
I know it isnot easy to deal with situation
You know what
From your post it is very evident
You are very emotional
N sensitive person
A person driven by feelings…
Dear,
You have to listen to your heart n mind.
You have to figure out what gives u happiness n peace…
You cannot move out of home right now
You are a fresh college graduate
Why not try out joining some interesting new course
Any online course
Anything to keep ur mind occupied
N stay engrossed…
Learn a new language
Learn some new computer skill
Anything that fascinates you…
See you have to develop interest or take interest in things
It doesnot come automatically…
Pls try to stay as positive as possible…
Love,pamper and appreciate urself
Your life is precious
Your life is beautiful…
Try meeting new ppl
Explore life
Try something new …
You will have to ignore your mom
N move ahead in life…
You cannot just stick there…
I know it easy to write…
But you will have to do it for urself
N i am sure you can do it…
Just have more faith in urself…
While we all are walking on a road
Some blocks will come
Some thorns will come
Some stones will come
You will have to help urself
Jump over these n continue walking
U may get hurt in process
But u cannot stop walking…
Your father n your siblings too might be having issues because of your mom
But still they are on with their life
So u too will have to be courageous
Take charge n hold of your life…
I am sorry if any of my words are harsh or bitter or hurt you in anyway
I am just trying to make you feel better
I wish the best for you…
You are a very strong person
Stay strong…
You deserve a lot of happiness
N i wish u get it all…
You know in life,
We may find ppl who will give us advice,suggestions,
emotional support etc etc
But at the end of day
It is your battle
You have to fight with your negative thoughts
For any therapy to work
An individual has to help self…
All the very best to you…
May u have lots of power,strength
N get victory in ur battle…
Take care of urself…
