Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I just got over my breakup with my boyfriend. This one really hurt me. My first boyfriend was toxic and a dummy who thought I would believe some of his lies. He didn’t lie as much as my last one. He lied about everything, and I was stupid enough to believe every single one of his lies. At the time when I first starting seeing him, I thought of him as my savior considering the fact that I had ended things with the person who I thought was the love of my life not too long before that. So you could imagine how deep I fell in love with him. He made me on top of the world, so loved and cherished. But little did I know that he was just lying about everything. I should’ve seen all the signs. He was never there when I needed him, never knew anything about him for weeks, many other things that I can’t remember since I’ve been trying to get rid of his existence in my head. I found out he was cheating on me with another woman by my sister. I had proof and witnesses but he still had the courage to get mad, turn it back around on me, and break up with me. Leaving me feeling like a complete worthless idiot. I felt hopeless and honestly one of the worst pains I have ever felt. I tried my hardest to keep my head up and I felt pretty strong since people believed I was okay. Until night time rolled around, of course everyone knows that’s when you’re feelings really come down on you. I cried my eyes out like I have never done before. It really hurt me and messed with my head. I usually go out with my parents Saturday nights to go dancing and have fun to take my mind off of things like school and work. But that week, he was all I could think of. How much he had hurt and played me. As much as I tried to get rid of his existence in my head, he would just keep coming back. He felt no kind of remorse or even a bit guilty for the heartache he had given me. That Saturday, a few days after he had broken up with me, I got drunk but still cried any chance I got alone until my sister caught me crying and I couldn’t hold my tears back anymore. When I got home I let myself cry everything out. I screamed into my pillow, cried until my head would hurt so much, just to get everything out and try to move on. When I would go through other problems, I would just keep them balled inside and forget about them until I had another problem cross my path. But since this one hurt so much I couldn’t keep it in me and just let myself cry it out. Thank god, the next day somehow I felt a lot better and suddenly I saw the day much brighter and felt a lot happier. It seems impossible to have felt better over night but I promise that’s how it happened. Yea it would still get to me but not as bad as that night. He’s still happy with this other woman and she has no idea about what a scumbag he really is. I just hope she realizes before it’s too late. If I try to help, she probably won’t listen to me, there’s many women out there who are in denial or just don’t want to ruin the good moment they’re having so I rather not intervene. That makes me seem like a horrible person but I rather stay away from all of that. Well now I do feel a lot better thanks to many women empowering songs, my sisters, and the amazing strong role model who I call a mother. I recently met a guy who I really like, but I will admit I’m a bit scared to get out there and trust again.