Issy @lostandconfused
I just feel like I’m such a mess, I don’t know who I am, I’ve lied to my friends trying to make them feel sorry for me by saying an anxiety disorder but it turns out that I might actually have it. I feel like I allow myself to be moulded by peer pressure and it’s gone too far that I can’t remember who I am, what’s my purpose in life. At school I make drama just to get attention and I can’t stop, I feel like such a terrible person. I don’t know if I’m bi or lesbian or doing it for attention and I’m actually straight. I feel like I have a crush on this girl but idk if I’m doing it for attention like when I said to somebody I have a crush on her, like once I told someone I suddenly felt so much more in love with her, is that because I lied and I basically forced myself to like her since I told someone? Idk. I’m lost. I’m crying rn typing this because this is the truest thing I’ve said for 3 months
Help
I also feel like m living a lie. Its like we make such lies in head n with tym actually start believing its true n web whole life around it.
Issy @lostandconfused
That’s exactly how I feel, like the lie’s become so intense it feels like they become real?
Please take a deep breath first. You know sometimes its very complex to actually figure what your heart and mind wants. From what I can see you are trying to handle too much on your own. If you try to lessen some burden off yourself in order to compensate for that you take on another issue to stress about. I might not be aware of how hard it must be for you right now but try to take everything one at a time. You mentioned anxiety disorder, try to figure that out first. Meditation, therapy, music, painting whatever works. When you figure it out eventually work on peer pressure and trust me everyone here must have had peer pressure at least once in their lives. Figuring out one’s sexuality is a vulnerable stage, people panic because they think its not “normal”. Take your time, imagine if all the people in your school weren’t there but you and this girl are in the same school in a different place, would you have still liked her? No matter what the answer is celebrate who you are. Right now might be bad but you got it. There’s light at the end of every tunnel. Love you xx
Issy @lostandconfused
Thank you so much, the thing is I’m 12 and my parents don’t know I’m on here or how anxious I get or me questioning my sexuality and I really don’t feel like they would understand what I’m going through.
I feel like if I wa texting a friend a problem they would listen but talking to my friend face tp face about everything they probably wouldn’t care or I’m just too complicated. And with the girl…
Tbh I wouldn’t even consider us friends just aquaitences. Thank you so much though honestly I will remember what you’ve said and about Roni (the girl) I think soemthing is wrong with me, when ever I’m near her I look away and go all awkward
yellow @yellow
First. let try to calm down and breath. Its normal to think that you’re just faking anxiety for attention, this thought process is very common in people with anxiety. Its ok to not know who you are or what your sexuality is. People’s sexuality comes to them in different ways, we all experience it and find out who we are in different ways. You don’t immediately have to know, some people find out later than others. but If you really want to know what your sexualiy is, try thinking about it for a while and look up the sexualities that you relate to the most and think whether or not you would feel good identifying with it. About the girl you are crushing on, in my opinion it sounds like you just internalized some of those feelings for her but once you’ve come to terms with liking her, the rest of your feelings came out. Its hard trying to figure out your sexuality while also not knowing who you really are , i’ve been there. but you’ll get there, it took me a couple years and different sexualities to know what i was. One last thing i want you know know is that, its never too late to figure out who you are, past mistakes will be past mistakes, all the trouble you’ve cause in the past cannot be erased or changed, All you can do now is keep looking forward and changing yourself for the better, that’s the only way you’ll finally be able to be at peace with yourself, when you do, people who will like you for the real you will come into your life and make these feelings you feel right now seem like just a bad nightmare.
