I just feel awful
I stopped initiating texts or conversations with my close friends and turns out they didn’t put any effort ever. Cool, we still meet and talk and it’s all good. But it is something that has always bugged me.
The person I’m dating is nice but recently had personal loss due to pandemic and I’m trying to give space and time and love and support in my way.
I write letters to the person, I send relatable memes, I send messages but I get what 1 reply and it’s about something completely different. First I used to think it was because of job timings but then it wasn’t the job.
This person prefers videocalls and I’m ok with that, everyone has different preference, I can adjust. I thought they don’t text anyone but turns out they do text other people, just not me. And this hurts tbh.
I wrote a nice mail, appreciating the said person, pouring my heart out. I hear nothing about it.
So I decide to put my phone aside and not text the person first and not think too much into it. But as you would have it, I was wrong in doing this. I made the person feel “lonely” and “don’t care much” about them.
Rude things were said, apparently I don’t take initiative and need to be strong. I didn’t get to say anything, I can’t because I always have a problem and I ask for too much.
I have been understanding, I have been there for this person mentally, physically and fiscally. I have been questioning my self perception, if I am as accomodating as I think I am, if I am as demanding as I’m being told I am.
I don’t have to take this emotional turmoil, I can end things but I would like a more mature option. I want to talk things out. But I feel awful and out of it.
I have been in kind of a same situation. I have only 1 thing to advice you: have a break for yourself. Be with a person you love, don’t be with one who you don’t, enjoy time with your friends and enjoy moments when they are not around. Don’t think things over. Let yourself have a wee break from these thoughts and enjoy your day.
I wish you get over everything 🌌
If you feel like talking out but don’t want to do it with some specific people or maybe you are afraid of what can happen, maybe try talking out to random people like here, or talk it out to a psychologist if you prefer.
Hey, i know this is pretty late but an update. I did something similar to what you said. I started therapy, it helped me a lot, i have accomplished a lot of things in the last year if i wasn’t here for myself.
Self love prevails.
