I joined few days back and I was going through all the messages and I thought I will introduce myself but I couldn’t and I went on my day running away, glueing myself to my phone so I can escape my reality and just ignore what is happening. I think I have accepted the fact that this is how it is going to be for me. I am all over the place so sorry if I don’t make sense.
So today I ended up meeting a friend and he told me this other friend had a surprise. I asked this other friend and he just told me to come to the address he will send on 13th this month.
So fun right!? No. There are three things. First, how the hell am I going to convince my strict Indian narcissistic parents to let me go, to just go for a night over when there was no partial lockdown imposed, I had to fight tooth and nails.
Second, even if I do convince or just be assertive and say this is what it is and I am going, my conscience is poking at me saying that “oh you are such a hypocrite, you tell and shout on others for not taking precautions and not being ‘careful’ but one call and you are stepping out, and everything is forgotten. Stick to your words” but I tell it that I take precautions unlike them and I have stepped out and yes, I am being careful but I am fine. Then it goes, “Sure, precautions. You are hugging the person” Very fun conversations, I tell you. So the point is that I am very contradicting and I am stuck between two choices and I feel like I am an hypocrite.
Third, I make everything about myself. First, I was like oh what did that friend achieve, who is it about, what is it about. But then, my brain automatically started to turn the wheels and they were like oh what if they are throwing you a surprise birthday day party because your birthday was a mess and you did not get to celebrate with them. Or oh no, what if that ex, the friend I met today, my closest friend, who I am very very hung up on is proposing to me. So everything became about me when everything is not about me, as someone told me. I should be rejoicing for that friend but here I am making all about myself.
So I am messed up, I am not making any sense in the middle of the night and I really want to make it to that surprise. If it’s only going to be the three of us, I really want to spend time with them as they are my closest friends and they are also like a breather for from this toxic environment at home. With them, everything disappears for that time being, there’s no worries in my life, I am just happy happy, pure happy. But I don’t know what to do, with my parents, with my conscience.
So one of them stays nearby me, walking distance, so I was planning to tell that I am going there and we are chilling together, just tell, not ask. But then why do I have to mak2 up a story, why can’t they be understanding and trust me. That I am going to take care of myself and if I am obeying all the rules, then they should trust me. I am just tired of playing this game with them.
Simran @st1199
Hi!
I can relate to your parent’s thinking, I am in the same boat. Irritated, frustrated, and done with them but can’t do anything even after fighting and making them understand.
Sometimes we feel that what we speak we do the opposite and that’s okay. It’s not and should not be that you are doing it everyday but sometimes being selfish and thinking about your happiness is important. So, that part forget it.
I think and I myself would have done to make up a story since they are not allowing me to go as per speaking the truth. 🤝💛
