Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

i joined this platform like an hour ago on a whim because im not really sure anyone around me wants to listen. i moved out of my hometown two months ago when i got a new job. its been alright, i had some really good days with my current colleagues but i think i have this fear of being replaced in other people’s lives. it stems from a place of immense insecurity but it’s bothering me so much these days that im not able to focus on work. ive lost touch with all my old friends and i get very defensive when they say i dont talk to them. but i feel like no one misses me as much as i miss them and even typing up a text takes so much courage because of this insecurity. i feel like that’s why no one asks about me either. “what if they dont want to talk to me?” is the constant thought in my head. my best friend moved out of the country and is now kind of doing things they swore we would do together (immature right?who gets sad about the fact that they wore an outfit that they promised they would wear with you with someone else). i dont even want to bring this up with them because it’s so immature and toxic on my part. im behaving like the worst friend i shouldn’t even feel bad about this and i really dont want to ruin their day. i feel alone and unwanted that’s all. so im here dumping my feelings on an anonymous website. don’t even know if anyone is reading this. thanks for listening if you are and i hope you have a nice day :D