Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I honestly have no idea what I’m doing on here… I guess I needed someone to talk to and it’s not like I can talk with family or friends. Basically there was this guy (when is there not lol) and we worked together for a few months. We would sometimes talk but I wasn’t in the same department as him at the time. When I transferred to his department we got to know each other more and he asked for my number. We got closer and a lot of our coworkers assumed we were dating (which made me really happy!) I’m a year older than him so I was already in college by the time we started talking. The thing is he had to leave for school and to make things worse he never told me he was quitting or even said goodbye…I just never saw him again. It hurt because he completely ghosted me at first and I just kinda let it go. Then a few months later I started thinking about him and I called him. We started talking again and I remember why I liked him so much. We didn’t talk as much because he was so busy with school and football but I assumed that he at least tried to make time for me. Everything was going good until we stopped talking…no calls or texts…nothing. I gave up atp I was so mad that I decided not to waste my time with the asshole anymore! A couple of months later he texted me “hey”… that was it! But because I’m such an idiot I texted him back and we talked a little more. Talking to him made me realize how much I missed him and his hugs (every time I saw him at work he’d always give me a hug and then he’r get mad if I left without giving him one) Anyways as we got back to talking I told him that all he had to do was text me at least once a day. I understood how busy he could be and I didn’t wanna be a burden but it wouldn’t have hurt to send at least on text. The thing is he is a TERRIBLE texted but he kept his word and sent a text at least once every day…it lasted 2 weeks and we haven’t talked in 2 months. He never even called to tell me happy birthday… now I’m laying here and it’s 1am and all I can think about is him. I know what your thinking and I’ve already deleted his number and everything but somehow I still keep thinking about him! (What sucks even more is that I memorized his insta username so I tend to check every now and then when I think of him. I know it’s weird!) Anyways I’m on here because I’ve never been in love… my whole life I’ve been humiliated or rejected by guys and then I meet…and I miss him so much! I miss his hugs and the nickname that he came up with for me that only he could call me…I just wanna know…am I in love or is this just some stupid crush that I can’t seem to get over? Or maybe I just need closure? I don’t know….if your reading this please lmk cuz I’m really lost and sad without him…