I have some so called friends I was willing to do anything for. I held them close when they were going through difficult time. Went out of the ways to help them. But when I had some bad days and I kept dropping them hints that I’m depressed I need help, they ignored my messages. Luckily I figured out some coping mechanisms and learnt to enjoy my own company.
Now that I have recovered, they all want to be close to me. I don’t hate them but I don’t feel like I absolutely have to invest in them anymore. Friendship means a lot to me. I always thought my friends would be people I can rely on. As I have been for them. Now I don’t want to be the only one putting effort. Some of them try to defend themselves saying that I’m not good at expressing my feelings and I’m bad at communication. I don’t know to believe that or not. But I don’t find them worth the time and energy like before.
Any stories anyone wants to share?
I feel like I should move on and find more reliable friends. Life hits you everyday with something new. I want my squad with me and seems like these guys are not the one.
Hi, I understand what you are saying. I have 2 opinions for this and I’m confused too:
1) One side of me says that when we grow up, all that we can do for our friends is just be there for them and be ‘available’ for them rather than investing all our time and energy into them. Our friends should know that we are there and available for them when they reach out to us.
2) The second side of me says that when we have the toughest of days and when life is spiraling downwards, our friends should check-in on us.
Honestly, I think it’s better to not have any expectations from anyone in life. Always better that way. Like you said that you figured out some coping mechanisms and learnt to enjoy your own company- I think that’s the best.
Hi there,
Thank you for your response. You’re right. But I feel at times that people only come to munch off whenever I am successful or at my best.
In my lows, it’s just me dealing on my own they don’t even try to talk. Whereas I check upon them personally when I see them share something on social media that drops any slight hint that they are not okay. How can you call someone your friend when they disappear during the tough phases and only show up when you are doing good? Friends should be by your side in both highs and low right. Is it not them trying to avoid anything they deem to be difficult and suddenly become the best friends when it’s convenient?
Yup feels so empowering to be self reliant. :)
You’re absolutely right and it totally makes sense. They should be there in bad and good times both. From my past experiences, I’ve genuinely closed myself off a little and have really stopped expecting anything from anyone at all. It’s not right but I think that’s better off for my mental peace.
