Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I have so many thoughts in my brain on a daily basis, just like everyone else, and keeping them to myslef has started to make my head hurt. So even if no one reads these, I need to get them out there or I will go certified crazy.

Most my feeling and thoughts revolve around loneliness and the feeling of having no one. Seems very basic, but I know that my thoughts and emotions are getting so powerful, deep and intensely depressing that they pose a threat to me and those around me. I dont know when and how I started to feel this way, but I think about how alone I am and about other people every minute of every day and it is affecting my career. All I want is to study, do something productive and live myself, but the thoughts of other people and what they think of me consumer me so much that they prevent me from doing anything.

And the funny part about all this is that I actually kinda find everyone around my annoying and intolerable. And holding onto the people I do like spending time with is so hard because everytime I think about talking to them, I get the feeling of self-pity like why would they talk to me, I am sure they have better friends and noone really likes me, or that I dont like them and the only reason I am talking to them is because I need someone to talk to.

Anyways I really need therapy and will probably start it soon when I am less shit scared about exploring the fucked up shit in my brain, but I want to write everyday and I hope someone out there reads these and knows theyre not alone (just like I hope I am not :)