Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I have given my sample for RTPCR because I had temperature a day ago and also diarrhoea but I was negative last time might as well be negative again I guess haha .
Initially there was a conspiracy theory circulating among doctors that if you give sample by your real name , u will come negative as they don’t want to show doctors as positive otherwise manpower will decrease. Infact to support this Initially they banned RTPCR for doctors here saying ki if you have very high grade fever and shortness of breath only then you can get tested otherwise no and for the same you need a prescription signed by consultant . This rule was strongly resisted by all doctors which was taken back after a month because you know doctors were like (“Kya kru mein mar jau? Meri koi feeling nai hai” - this is a meme)
Yesterday a vip patient died. We have been keeping this patient alive for 9days!
Usko har alternative days we would take him for dialysis… so for that as he was intubated one person had to ambu him throughout the way to the dialysis place and then there connect him back on ventilator and when again when dialysis was done ambu him back.
A ward boy can do it too but at dialysing place there is a line of patients lol so the thing is if a doctor is accompanying the patient you can get it done first by talking to doctor on duty there .
Anyway so let’s call this vip patient as patient P.
P was 28 years old. When we got very serious 3 days ago we told his sister then and there he might not make it out alive and she… has a medical background so she called so so many doctors , I received calls from so many doctors and they be like “take good care of him” and I was like dude just stop we are already doing our best and we would specially look after him and give him time and everything by default because he’s a young patient. But the calls really frustrate me. But it’s a thing in india
(" approach lagwana") . So yesterday a new patient came let’s name him V.
Now V has a kidney disease along with covid positive. And P just was on verge of death and he had kidney disease and many other things or I can just say it you can google it later he had AKI (Acute kidney injury) , ARDS , Drug induced hypoglycemia , thrombocytopenia , MODS , with sepsis ,and mucormycosis in his last days.
Now P basically started dying after his dialysis and he was given life saving drug adrenaline to keep his heart beating for 30more minutes.
I told his sister that he died downstairs but we sort of revived him and she again got hopeful I was frustrated and I said look… his body is going ZERO efforts! ZERO he’s basically only alive because of live saving drugs.
She began crying . I said he’s just too critical.
Then V had to be taken for dialysis and I had to go with him. So the ward boys wore a ppe kit and I asked nurse for it I was told “you can only get it for your round only two kits were available which two doctors took it for round and to see patient P inside”) I was like fine I’ll go like this just give me a shield. This happens a lot , we go inside and along with patients without wearing proper gear all the time. So I ran for V and I happened to be in a void time where one technician goes and other comes in. I kept saying V will die hurry up and they did then I sedated V and his dialysis began and by that time I was called back up due to immese work at my icu floor so I gave the nurse at dialysis place my number that call me once this dialysis is over and then I came up for P was dying again and cpcr was started and by this tine I was so so sigh. I prayed to God , god please don’t torture this young man. Every cpcr hurts like hell with your ribs being broken and having a tube inside amd mucor infection and everything he was in immense pain. I prayed to either…save him or just … you know… and this was going and I was doing some other work and then I was called down again for V wasnt properly sedated on haloperidol so I adviced midazolam and then again I came back up ( yes it’s tiring very tiring especially when you’re having really bad menstrual cramps) then I came back up to see P was dead and I had to make his death forms. And by that time my Zomato parcel came at 5pm (I skipped lunch so this was my lunch lol) and sir said bring V back his dialysis is done. So I rolled my eyes and went downstairs lol. And on the way I told a random ward boy to bring my parcel as the Zomato guy was too scared to even enter put building lol. So I brought V back and then everything was fine and I ate and sat down for the first time on my shift and it gave me so so mucb relief haha and my team also came and we all ate ( as I ordered for everyone) . I still think we saved V. Who’s 27. Sigh. I don’t want to think about P . It makes one sad. All of us were sad even the nursing staff.
And then again we resumed work . I was dead tired like all parts of my body hurt -_-.