Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I have anxiety problems. I am exhausted of everything. I am tired I am done with everything I just want to rest , no burdens over my shoulder. No matter how much i confessed everything , i feel guilty for telling it. I feel guilty for telling my problems to people. I don’t think people take me or my problems seriously. They just think me of some kind of attention seeker whenever i cry. I can’t go to college. My parents are tired of me, worried sick about my result, they just think me of some irresponsible kid, my friends think i am very happy in my life because whenever we talk i smile or i crack jokes with them. Now it’s been 7 days since i talk with my friends… no one messaged me and ask me if i am okay or not… actually my my friend’s boyfriend did message me what can I say to him. Now i just don’t know how to open up with strangers…tbh i know it’s my fault only. I just want to sream at top of my lungs and cry my heart out. I just need one person to whom i can vent out everything i had been through. If people see the real me they won’t believe it’s me…how can they? To whom should discuss my problems with? To whom should I ask for hugs when i need one? Who will tell me it’s okay i will go through it? Who will handle me when i have panick attack? I know should not be depend on some other person emotionally but i can’t go though everything alone. I feel so lonely and empty inside. I have no confidence no self esteem and m not that much pretty too.is that the reason i am lonely? Is this the reason people leavee for someone else? Is this the reason no one stands up for me? Is this the reason people treat me badly? I just want be happy and live peacefully? I just need a one person whom i can trust blindly. That one person who always stands for me behind my back too. That one person who tells me if i am wrong somewhere. And that one person can be anyone. is that too much i asked for