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Anonymous

I have a friend. We’ve been together for 9 years now. We were really good friends, but last summer she found new friends. I would sometimes go with them, but I didn’t really fit in there. For most of the winter, I was alone while they would hang out. She would sometimes text me and invite me to hang out when they would fight. She sometimes texts me to ask for answers on tests or homework. Lately, her friends stopped hanging out with her as much and while I feel like I should be grateful because we missed on a lot, I don’t. We don’t have the same friendship we had. And if I don’t want to hang out she would call me stuff, lazy, and act all mad. Like today, I was at the mall to buy some food and I just didn’t feel like going anywhere else because I just felt burned out and numb. When she asked if I wanted to go to her place and I said no, she said “You’re not lazy to walk around the city, though?” and just called me stuff. She also hits my head a lot and I get scared most of the time. I get scared of that to the point where when she lifts her arm I try to cover up where she normally hits me, and when she says “I just lifted my arm, lol why you’re scared?” I feel stupid and she just brushes it off even though I don’t. I don’t feel like I can tell her anything. I can’t tell her secrets because she will tell everyone IN FRONT OF ME and I don’t feel like she would understand how I feel because according to her, even if you’re sad, you still should hang out with others. The list goes on. The thing is I feel like the friendship we have isn’t healthy anymore, but I don’t want to cut her off because of the happy memories and how she accepted when I came out and how she even tried starting to watch anime for me. We do the funniest and dumbest shit together and I feel happy at that moment. However, I also feel insecure and hurt because of her. Should I try to talk with her even if she probably wouldn’t care?

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Hey!!
Are you okay?
Because as you are describing about you and your friend this is the question which came very first in my mind.
Listen, everybody is allowed to have a good bunch of friends but as you have wrote here, she used to be with them and now because they are not hanging out with your friend she came back to you, according to me its very wrong. If you both have been friends from such a long time, that means you shared a very good bond and bonds like this never break on the entry of some other bunch of people unless she herself wanted this.
What I can figure out from here is, before she met other group of friends she was nice to you, but may be due to the ‘sangat ka asar’ over the period of time she have became someone like this, who calls out when something doesn’t happen as she wants like you said, she calls you lazy and stuff if you say no to her.
Secondly, if you dont like when she hits you, tell her, make it clear that a specific action of hers s hurting you or intimidating you or just say that you dont like that, there is nothing wrong in doing so.

I would like to tell you one thing, dont be with her because you have no other friend; because knowingly or unknowingly she may take you for granted and this is so wrong on your part.
Tell her all the stuff you dont like and the things she does to you.
Friends are meant to be our support, not one who make us feel something un-important.

I hope it helps you.
Take Care