I have a boy in mind recently. I have never been that close to anyone. I have told him about my thoughts, I even cried in front of him which is really rare of me to cry in front of someone. I used to have a crush on him years ago but he used to say that he hates to date a girl me. So I trued moving on from him. We started talking as he was having some issues at home and wanted a peaceful place so he asked me to talk to him. Now, he ignores me. I am confused that why do he ignore me? 

I see, but he says I am his best friend. This thing is from 3 years ago and now out of nowhere he started to ignore me. 

I texted him, missed call him. Even the other of my friends about his well being. My other friends said that he is doing good but....he just never looked to my missed call or texts. This year he had to go away for some reasons. And about him liking me, he always tells me how fat I am, and what should I do to lose some weight. I once asked him but he said he is seeing someone so I just dodged the conversation by saying that it was a dare by my school-mates. 

I- didn't quite got you? Why would he use me out of all other useful people out there?

I see. I am speechless. I actually never thought that this matter would be this serious to look upon. 

What if he needs me again? What if I am wrong? 

I can't explain what my mind is thinking. Honestly, I feel so weird about this.

17 this year. I maybe have a problem telling people about my feelings or the thing I am thinking. I can't explain things to someone.

Thank you so much. I will always remember that.

Confusion

I wonder about the fact how we are slaves to our emotions 

Other

it's going to be a long and gloomy night.

3am Thoughts

New on this one

Alcohol

I am 22 year old boy living in Bangalore  with my mother and my younger brother I am career oriented person because I know the struggles and hardships my mother has been made to us I want a better life and I want my family to improve in every way I am not interested in any such things like relationships love etc although all my friends are in relationship but I am not interested but exactly one year ago i met a girl she was my class 12 friend we both got reconnected through the Instagram and we become good friends we both talked laughed shared secrets and as usual I fell in love with her for the first time in my life and I told my feelings towards her and she said to me that we are good as friends and why do we need these kind of commitments at this time and also she said that in her house also they won't entertain such things so i told her ok fine let's just be friends only and after that i stopped talking to her because the feelings would get hurt so it's better that i made distance with her and after some days she texted me back that hi how are you are you sad why are you not talking to me i said no i am busy with my work so that's why I couldn't talk she said to me that are you okay i said yeah I am fine and after that she has sent me a 2-3 Insta reels and i reacted to them and i also sent her she will also react and i am slowly becoming the person I was previously like more career oriented person
The problem for me is that whenever I see some couples or whenever I sit in my company cab there will be girls who will be talking to their boyfriends or guys who will be talking to their girlfriends at that point of time i also feel like that i shoud also have such things but I will remember my family 
After she rejected me i have become more heartless sometimes I feel like loneliness for example all my colleagues will be talking about their partners but I will be simply seeing them and think that does i belong here or like that although she was different and i still have feelings for her and i am move on because i can't beg her or tell her to be in relationship with me and at my office also there are 2-3 people who was interested in me and their intentions was only to enjoy the date and time pass 
I know there is a difference between imaginary strawberry life and real life that struggles
I am just 22 and I don't know i am having such kind of thoughts although there are 2- 3 friends who support me 
But you know sometimes shit happens 
Is it normal to feel for me i really don't know 

So I decided one day to tell her my feelings was true
I couldn't live without her, so I told her, facin' my fears
But honey's only response was a face full of tears
She could only sob hysterically, holdin' me tight
I tried to speak, but she wouldn't stop until I left sight
I felt like a moth who got himself too close to the light
Except I didn't burn, I turned cold after that night

Failure

I like a guy at my workplace but I don't know how to start a conversation with him, we don't even talk, like never:((
Any tips??

Kuch to khaali viran sa hai, 
Kuch to bin murda samshan sa hai, 
Kuch adhure khwab hain, 
Kuch to ansune jawab hai, 
Kuch to hai jo khatke 
Akhir kiu mera mnn bhatke?
_lost🙃

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