I hate you ravi  .I wish everything bad happens to you.I wish I had never met you.I hv hurt my parents so much for you.I gave away my dreams for you.But u could never respect me or my love.

Not worry sis god will take the revenge it's universal rules that is happening for thousands years now that what you will give is what you will get so don't worry he will be really punished it's called karma be strong

Breakup

Ever since I was small I was thought that small mistakes has punishment and so I always tried to be perfect , even if sometimes it hurts me that I always priority what is needed than what I actually wanted .I did my best to reach the perfection my mother wanted 
A child who is smart , talented , mature , discipline and a total angel but then I'm sorry I  am always not enough I am always not good enough .... 
Even though I did try 
I'm sorry mom .... I can never be like my cousin who is so smart , nor can never be like sister who already has a job or my younger sibling you love the most 
I fear to fail but I always did ...
I always feel sorry for being myself 
Is anyone out there feel the same ?



Education

I gained weight this past years. Not to the point that I'm overweight, but I myself know that I have to lose a few pounds to be fit and healthy.  However, I still don't have enough energy and motivation to push through. So in the meantime, I'm learning to love my body regardless of what my weight is. It's a hard, constant battle with myself and my brain. I'm sure most of you know this struggle. 

So what I don't appreciate is people pointing out I have to lose weight and exercise. It's especially hard when it's my mom telling me that. Like I get it,  okay? I already know I gained weight. I look at the goddamm mirror! It's not news to me. Why do you think I don't know? What's the use of pointing it out aside from crippling my confidence? 

Self Esteem

Awwww this boy is driving me crazy . After I came home , we both started talking videocalls , but he is not talking bcoz of his frnds in the room he texting me and I am talking 🤭🤭 that was quite fun right ! . But his voice , his eyes, his lips, the moles below his eyes damn they are very  beautiful   , day by day I am waiting for his proposal.
M❤️

Boyfriend

After a long time, back here, ready to talk, ready to pour out my emotions because I cannot figure them out myself.
I don’t understand why does life have to be so difficult sometimes.
Sometimes, I am thinking about future, how I want to marry a writer or a CA or a lawyer and the next moment I am arguing in my head that not a lawyer, since they are good at arguments and I want the upper hand in argument. LOL.
And then the very next moment, I am thinking if I ever want to get married, if I ever will be ready for that type of commitment. COMMITMENT, scares me now.
I try so hard to not take life that seriously, to pick up the shattered pieces and make a present for myself so that I can have a good future.
But some people just don’t want me to have a peaceful life.
The story goes way back, years back ( lets get into it another time)
Main point: I don’t trust any of my friends, hell I am continuously contemplating whos is my friend and who not even though I feel lonely, still don’t want friends, don’t want to be vulnerable again in front of someone else, don’t want to give them power to hurt me again.
I am trying to live in present, but my past, my old friends and my ex, want to interfere, apparently, my ex does not want me to move on or have any other partner, I get it, he is still jealous, but he has no right, he cheated on me and now continues to make a mess of my life.
My mental health is in jeopardy everyday, I break down any time, I just want to be ALONE not lonely though. I just do not understand m emotions myself anymore, and I don’t know who to blame.

Frustration

Litteraly spamming shit on here cause my emotionally lonely a$s have nothing to talk to. Sad..

Lonely

Just sighed in 

Intro

Not good felling 

Sexual Health

I have a really bad insomnia and most of the time I feel very depressed. I tried giving interviews because all the time my mom is saying like do something look for a job and I did I went to some interviews but I got rejected and every time I get rejection I feel more depressed and disconnected, I feel like I have no purpose and I don't know what should I do sometime it's really heartbreaking and I overthink about it way too much.

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