Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I guess the worst part, for me, about being in a dark place isn’t the darkness itself but the solitude. Knowing that you’re going through all of this pain and everyone is oblivious too it. I’ve always been afraid of opening up about my personal thoughts and emotions because I feel it’ll just push people away. I just continually convince myself that I’m happy with my life and that every social interaction isn’t a struggle. I just want to have an interesting life and an effortlessly fun attitude like I used to. But now it feels like every social encounter is an up-hill struggle. And I just wish there was someone to ease my mind and tell me that I’m a person that people want to get to know. But, there’s no one. Everyone I’m friends with don’t even know me. I just put on the front of someone I’m not because I feel like no one wants to know who I really am. Maybe I’m just drowning in my own self loathing and pity. Maybe I’m just overthinking.
I wish I could be content with just being alone. I wish it wouldn’t bother me that I could walk out of so many people’s e lives and it not even phase them. I just wish I didn’t care. But I do. I care so so much about the approval and thoughts of others and just generally being liked. Sometimes being extroverted and social comes naturally, but most times I just have such low self esteem and doubt all the words that are about to come out of my mouth.