I guess I just need to talk this out with someone, because I’m feeling pretty hurt and confused, when I really shouldn’t be. It’s a long one!
About ten years ago I met someone who I absolutely fell in love with them and the idea of them, but they were taken with children, so it’s nothing I ever pursued. There was clearly sexual tension and we flirted all the time, knowing it would never lead to anything. One night, two years into all this flirting, after work he got right up into my personal space and whispered something sexual about what he imagined doing to me.
I took a step back, as was quite shocked by it, silly really with all the flirting we’d been doing, but I also had it in my mind it would always just be that. We were interrupted and neither of us knew what would have happened next…but I always thought about it and what I should, could, would have done with more time.
After that he became more intense and I backed off, I didn’t want to be a side piece and I knew this was the kind of guy that I would fall hard for and he would never leave his family, so what was the point in starting that, and potentially hurting lots of people?
Eventually I left the place of work, moved on with someone else, who by pure coincidence turned out to be a friend of his, which I didn’t find out till later on at a friends gathering. Ever since we’ve barely communicated, for good reason, but do find ourselves within the same friendship circles.
Anyway, the reason why all this has come back to the surface, is that we bumped into each other recently and for the first time in about seven years was able to talk alone. There’s been some news recently about women coming forward from our old work place about how they felt like they were sexually harrassed, which we got to talking about how awful that is for those women, to go through that. So I made a point of saying that, just for the record, any moments we had together were private memories and ones I enjoyed and that he has nothing to worry about, in case he did have concerns about us.
He responded by telling me that “It meant nothing to me then and it mean’s nothing to me now.”
…and now here I am, feeling really hurt, and I literally don’t understand why, other than pure pride and the fact I liked him a lot more and assumed it was mutual but that we were just holding our feelings for each other back. I left the conversation pretty swiftly after that as I was so surprised about how much it effected me, and didn’t want to show that, if I meant so little to him.
It’s been a few day’s now and I guess I’m just wondering whether I need to contact him again and just tell him my feelings on it, or whether to just leave it be. But it’s occupying my mind every day, and I can’t understand it. 😅😖
