I fucking hate myself so much, like literally everything I do just goes wrong. Cleaning, my school attention, just school in general, my attitude, just talking, socializing, doing my hair. I talk for like 2 minutes and I somehow make them mad or I have aggravated them. I hate the way I look, how I have always been fat, the way I sound, the way I walk, the shape of my body, my legs, my arms, my jaw, my double chin, the ways my eyes are shaped. I’m almost done with school and I have no fucking clue what to do with my life after it, I want to be successful but school is just not for me I know that for a fact.
I’m such a coward too because I don’t have the courage to tell anyone I have been sexual with my father (my biological father left when I have little) for years (since I was 10) and I absolutely hate it and he made me think it was normal, or maybe I’m just such a stupid person probably that’s why I’m failing at everything. You know I shouldn’t be so relieved that I got my period because it mean no sex and that I’m not pregnant. Not the first men to touch me thorough, one of my mom’s boyfriend touched me and I told her about it, she said “oh it’s his culture, it’s not his fault he always gets touchy when he’s drunk.” She didn’t even break up with him for that reason, they broke up because he cheated on her.
I have no friends and I’m not joking when I go to school the only people I talk to is the teachers. I did have friends though but they all ghosted me and we don’t wave at each other when we see one another in the hallways. The only person I truly trust is my sister, she makes me laugh, and hugs me when we sees me crying, we tell each other everything, well I almost tell her everything…. But honestly I think she is the reason I’m alive today.
Now my life is not always sad, I do enjoy some things. I like to paint, I like fanfics, my favorite show is supernatural, I absolutely love the sky and the cold weather (fall). I love my cat his name is Tom, he was with me though everything he is there when I cry, when I sleep, when I’m happy, when I paint, and with me when I play Fortnite. I have no idea what I would do without him and have no I idea what to do when I lose him.
Sorry this is so long but it’s me so yeah um I’m scared to post this….
Hey. I know things are terrible sometimes. But just a little bit time. Do introspection, try to accept yourself, if you won’t then no one else will. Try booking a career counseling session. Everything will be alright! You will find new people after school and will make amazing friends. Just have a little faith in yourself. You are the best!
