Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I fricking hate being so afraid of being judged. One random person on the street, whom I will see again, will not change me if they think I’m weird. I don’t want to be hated and be alone forever but at this point, I will be alone forever because I avoid people as if they were zombies. I wish I could talk. I know I shouldn’t beat myself up but why am I such a coward? I would do this with my user because nobody on here would know who I am, but I am so scared. I just want everyone to like me so I won’t be alone. I have a therapist but I am so scared, it’s his job to help me but I am just scared that he would think I am nothing but a pathetic excuse for a man. I don’t want that. I barely know what I want, I know what I like but other people are barely there. And watch me hide away from all the good-forsaken notifications from people possibly responding. Someone at my school from my class was getting me and a few others in the class presents and they asked me what I wanted but all I could do was hide in my jacket. All they did was ask me what I wanted I would tell them chocolate I wanted nothing crazy but I was too afraid that they would hate me. Why me? What did I do? In a past life was a mass murderer and this is my karma.