I find it difficult to express myself  to people & they don't know anything about me and my feelings. I tend to keep everything to myself so that when I am emotionally charged, I imagine scenarios in my mind like breaking mirrors or drinking alcohol. Those scenarios calm me down but I know I will make all this a reality.On the other hand I refuse to express myself emotionally because I am afraid of disappointment, rejection or ridicule. Any advice? .

Hey friend, if u feel these things then try to do meditation, go to walk and try to find something which makes you happy and distract you from the world

Man!we r same but Instead of breaking glass and drinking wine!I'll smoke a joint in my imagination and reality it helps me realise how cool iam ✌️

Disability

*Standing up for yourself doesn't make you argumentative. 
Sharing your feelings doesn't make you oversensitive. 
And saying **NO** doesn't make you selfish.*

**If someone doesn't respect your feelings, needs and boundaries, the problem isn't with YOU; IT's THEM.** 😉



Self Love

She loved him. He didn't understand. Then she loved someone else. He understands.

3am Thoughts

Constantly missing you 💔 O my princess 😔👸 wish you were here with me to put a smile back on my face. 

Love

It's been really stressful lately. And, by that I mean A lot for me both mentally and emotionally. I know covid cases are all around and we have dreadful things to worry about which I am really stressed about too but this is personal. It's about my parents. On one side I am really worried about them, my dad is a cancer survivor but man he makes it really hard to live with. My mom too is having ups and downs in her health very often. What scares me is what will I do if something happens to them? There is only two of them. COVID is killing everyone everywhere and is spreading so fast. I have anxieties of thinking what will happen if something happens. I get breathless thinking about it. Both of them are getting old and I don't know will I even be able to do everything or am I overdoing it right now. That is the problem. It hardly makes any sense. I feel like I am dancing off in two extremes. For these sentences to make any sense I think I should start from where the problem actually is. Covid thing is just a mental stress and I know I will get over it. What is more and I should say the most stressful experience of my life till now is the emotional stress I am having. When I came home last year, after some months I realised that ,y parents had a lot of issues. Both in between them and within themselves. I have this habit of analysing how they are thinking because I want to make it right because I seriously love them. I tried. But I don;t think I did it right. It's just too hard. From the past one year I have been trying to open layers, get them talking, listening to everything, act like their friend so that they can have a happier life ahead, free of all these burdens. They aren't so bad people UK, it's just that it's been really bad for me lately, pretty bad. I get yelled at, I get said a lot of hurtful things which I don't think I deserve from their child. It's all just too straining, taking everything. I feel like I have totally lost myself now and I am even beginning to believe everything. I am so sure my dad needs professional therapy, but indian middle class families have no such concept because it is termed as pagalkhana. I being me started to give out all my emotional energy to my dad and mom. At first my mom and then my dad. What I came to realise is that in this I became so emotionally sensitive and when I needed them, they were never there. My dad is a mad an utter mad patient of hypertension. In the past one month he has came after me and tried to almost choke me over some really silly matter. He became normal the other day and I was petrified. How has my mom living with him, I have no idea. Sometimes I get that feeling from my mom too(she never does things like him, she is a real sweetheart btw), that feeling comes for my mom because I understand the stark personality differences between them and sometimes I wonder how has my dad living with her so long. But what I came to realise today that my mom tried. I think my dad just tried on surface. I feel maybe where I am now, my mom has been long ago. What I feel so bad is I do not know how to fix this. even after I give it all. I don't know how to fix them- be it the past sorrows and guilts of my father for which he has this aggressive behaviour(as far as understand) or be it all the bullying and strains my mom has went through. I don't know how to fix this. And I am really empty now. I just feel like crying all day. I forgot all the physically abusive part my father went into because I felt he was so much dwell into anger and didn't have any control over his mind. I forgave him. because I want to love him. But the problem is, he just forgets it and I feel he doesn't want to control his anger. I have no idea if is helpless or just doesn't want to try.
I am so much overwhelmed right now because of what happened today. I will clear one thing that I am also not a very perfect person. I know my mistakes. I see myself having anger issues like my father and I hate the way I treat my mother sometimes. She deserves better from me. It has just became so involuntary seeing my father treating my mother like shit so many times that maybe I cross that border and then regret it. and I so badly want to work on it but it's just that I become so emotionally strained all the time that my only reaction always is kind of aggressive toned. I know it may seem reading from this text that I am living in a crazy family but really I think it is pretty crazy. It's not like my father is a bad person it's just his anger, his hyperness that comes and goes so easily, that is what I hate about him. He has done a lot of things for me UK, and I know he has a squishy good heart inside but I think I am never gonna make it through there. Also, it's not like my mom is always right, I mean I have seen her fighting with dad over no reasons and even she finds it really hard to understand me. Maybe that's because we are so different. I am more like my dad but I really don't want to end up like him. As bad and sad as it is, it is equally hard to even think about this.
I think i forced them to say and listen to stuff for which they weren't ready. In return, my dad said me things so mean that i don;t think I'll ever even listen from anyone. That's what happened today. I tried to confront him about how he was wrong when he got angry and started shouting like crazy over a petty issue between me and mom(for which i took full responsibility and resolved it later with my mom). He says the same things to me all the time like I am the reason everyone fights and is unhappy in the house because i am the one who like to be dominant and i am very selfish and jobless with no aim and i just want to control everyone. What? I am a sensitive person and i get emotional when people say mean things. But when he was saying all this i was listening to him thinking he will at least listen to me about not getting so much angry once he calms down. But I was so wrong. SO SO WRONG. He kept going on and on and let me cry like crazy, he wouldn't stop with it. He was saying all the things that actually he was doing and quite evidently he does. But he always says all that to me, always, from my childhood. Do I not deserve any better? seriously? I couldn't take it any longer. I couldn't stop crying. I was totally emotionally strained to the core of my brain and i am right now too. I have been crying since then. It's not like i want to cry but maybe it's just that I am so hurt  from all this that my body and brain cannot take it any longer. I am so afraid of myself that once i actually heal, i will again do the same thing because of the fact that i want them and me to co exist with all the love. I really hope I never do all this again because it is not having a very good effect on me or my life. But a part of me still gets worried about them. I will really appreciate any help because I need it genuinely now. 
I really don't know how to fill up my own cup now.

Family

So my boyfriend and i we are together from 4 years and we have had regular intercourse ( like once in a week or so ) 
But before few months i told him not to do this anymore and he was okay with it . But from last month he is asking me for it almost on daily basis and because of some reasons (idk this and other stupid one ) he stopped talking to me from 20 days ago . And today we talked and he said he wants sex from me if i cant give it to him then he is not gonna stay with me . Like i said why would you do this . He said you have to understand and all that shit . And then he broke up and i cursed him a bit and blocked him . I am so angry right now . Is this a right thing to do ?? 

Breakup

I’m still upset I didn’t go to the cinema.

🙂how can someone be so greedy for money. mummy ko jab dekho paise kyun khrch kiye ye wo bas yahi chalta rehta hai... even tho bahut kam bahar jata hun 3-4 months me ek-do bar uske bhi 1-2k khrch hote mushkil se fir bhi🙂🙂. khud ki job hai apne paise khrch kr raha usme bhi.... makes me wanna die🙂🙂🙂

Anxiety

Waat lgi pdi h mental health ki😥😥😥jab pta nhi chle ki u should take care of loved one's mental health or deal with ur own brain......it's really so messed up in my mind. In my family only men are humans else one is just treated like maid or robots....its really so much frustrating. I feel like robot sometimes bcoz feeling nothing at the moments i need to react atleast.
I'm just venting out. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts