I fight with all my friends. I can stay as friends only upto some threshold after that I can't bear the bonding. Why is that so? 

See what I feel is you are bit egoistic and a short tempered one you get triggered easily maybe aisa ho ya na bhi ho this is what I feel and you do expect a lot from the other end and when they fail to fulfill those expectations then the bond tampers these could be the reason not asking you to change these stuffs but to limit them maybe it helps 

Friends

should i leave the gc i’ve been in for almost a year? i’m trying to decide.it’s full of all my friends from my old school.i transferred and all they ever talk abt is their school and when i ask for advice or say something they just seem to ignore it and talk abt sum else.i’m thinking abt it but i still want to be friends with them but something just feels weird when i call them friends.idk.

I have a friend that keeps saying that they’re the person everyone leaves out and doesn’t like and doesn’t care about. And they always put the ✌️Emoji after. After I heard how they felt I obviously helped them in every way possible. But now it’s getting old. Are they doing it for attention? Every time they say this it makes me sad and angry. They know I struggle with mental issues. I feel as though they’re not thinking about how much effort I put into loving them and listening before they hit send to get me to feel for them. Is my hard work for nothing? Why am I even trying if they won’t even realise. 

Mental Health

Today, I just realized the reality of friendship. Everybody might not be like that but up to this day, all the friends I had were fake. They never cared for me, did they? I was the one who listened and consoled them when they needed me. But no one was there for me. I motivated them and made them laugh? They didn't do anything when I needed them. I guess I'm used to it now. 

Hope anyone who reads this, have a good day!

xxx

I only have like 4 friends in cllg who now i realise were there just cause they wanted stuff from me. Like they now make me feel bad about everything and dont communicate as its almost the end of my degree. Those 4 live together, make plans together and dont even care to ask me. It makes me feel bad. Am i wrong in any way? 

Parents spot fake friends 
And 
Children spot fake relatives 😬

Family

I have friends but i feel they don't give me the same priority i give them  and I'm tired of making new friends. I'm just confused to the point that i don't understand. 
Am i doing anything wrong that they don't consider me or I'm just a narcissistic person 


3am Thoughts

It's so difficult to me to maintain friendships, it makes me wonder how I will do in the future with more serious relationships.
I can form connections. I can go and make friends if I want to, socialize and communicate with a group or a community (with a single person is more difficult and I'm still working on getting better in that aspect yet...).
My only problem is maintaining them and my feelings along the way. In real life happened, but in social media occurs all the time. And the worse of all is I don't know how to feel about this... sometimes it feels wrong, I don't want this to keep happening, yet my actions say otherwise. I encountered a variation of people throghout the short period of life I'm living and I'm sure I will find many different ones, and when I make a connection of some sort, I feel obligated to put effort in maintaining them; I don't want to. Of course every friendship needs effort to make it work, if one wants to be comprehended we need to communicate about ourselves and all that... I just don't feel like it. And it's so selfish from my part, because if I need to talk to someone in a specific moment I go and talk to them but when they do the same (or just want to talk to me in general) I always respond late or make blockages of some sort.
This sounds so wrong. I know what actions I make and what consequences they lead, but the feeling that comes with doing them is stronger than my rational thinking. The constant ignoring, cut off talks, make up excuses, showing lack of interest... sadly just now it starts to sink in even if I was aware of them long time ago.
I want to blame to the way I was raised and how I'm ashamed of showing who I am and showing all kinds of affect towards others, how my inability to show my emotions due to fear of judgement and lack of understanding from others makes me incapable of putting all of me into a connection; making everyone meaningless to me. Also the fact that is difficult to form connections if we're just communicating by internet. 
But obviously, majority of this is a me problem and I won't deny I am at fault. Recognizing the problem is the first step and is good I'm aware. Bad is that I'm not treating it, and that means I'm not taking care of myself good enough.
I noticed my patterns when it comes to join a new community (specially on internet). Everytime someone wants to know me more deeply, I either 1. Walk away (which I have rights to do so if I don't like the person or they're neutral to me but bad if I was really interesed in being friends) 2. Let them, then I leave them into nothingness due to all thr causes I said before. And the cycle repeats itself.
Now that I'm doing a project I'm passionate about, I need to communicate to my partners and the larger community I'm in. Which is fine, I enjoy it and I decided to stay since I'm happy about it. However, it came to the inevitable phase of "we spend a lot of time together time to get know each other deeply" and it's... uncomfortable. I don't want this. I didn't want something more than a surface level. But it's inevitable, and I'm scared. Scared of how I might react, how they will treat me if I fuck up. I don't want this project to go to waste and I want to stop generating them negative emotions, hurting people. And it's so, so difficult. Because I'm so used to loneliness and my own independence, even if I depend in some things I rarely depend and let others in when it comes to my emotional side. I don't even know how my caring side is, since when I do it it feels fake to me it's uncomfortable. And I'm so sorry for the people I left behind without an explanation, for those who I abandoned, didn't give them enough care... I lost them all and even if I appreciate the lesson (or if these people were kinda shitty for my life) I feel the regret and I can't help but feel sorry. It's difficult, super difficult to control something I don't even know what it is... it's a foggy confusion and actions with zero feelings.
I don't know if I'm making sense now. Just a rambling numb dumb text, since that's how I feel most of the time when I'm talking to others. It isn't supposed to make myself feel understood even when at times I crave that. I'm putting my thoughts and feeling into place and trying to figuring out where I go.
I will try, I will try even harder to know how to heal this aspect of myself properly and taking care of others better as I go. It's a mess right now but it's never too late and I believe in myself and the fact that I can find motivation to keep going, like I always been able to get myself of off the ground many times.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts