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Anonymous

I felt like for days and I always try my best to not show it, to ignore it but I literally can not anymore . These past 2 years I had to study non stop, I never gave myself a moment to breath; I started school (11th grade) on September 2019 and we had quarantine on Mars 2020 until around October I think? Buuuut yeah. I was really depressed back then I was always faking around my family and guess what I only felt happy when I was my best friend. Fast forward to those months of quarantine, I gave myself some more time to breath and relax and try to heal mentally because I was exhausted, I would wake up all night and sleep all morning until lunch and I would get usually harassed in some way by my family, idk if they know that what they say effects me or not, but they just talk and talk they never stopped . I passed my final 11th grade exam on 3rd of October and we had a one day vacation and then I got back to school for the 12th grade on 5 of October. Which was really hard . But I managed the first months . Until I felt exhausted again. I needed some rest I needed to get out of the house and not go to school. Note that every vacation I would go to additional hours or tutoring hours because we had the final exam so I needed them …they would take the half of every single vacation throughout the year . And the first vacation, after Wednesday (the final day of additional hours) we were planning to get our of town, but we got the call that my grandma passed away, so we had to cancel ofc the trip. Same thing happened the second vacation, my grandpa from the mom side of the family passed away so we had to cancel another trip . The third vacation came and I was sure that it would go good and i needed so badly to get out of town. I was consumed by my studies and way too tired . But my younger brother relapsed because he had a type of cancer as a kid and we found out that he has it again. My parents and my two brothers had to travel to France in order to do the operation needed . They had to stay there for very long. I stayed w my sister and two aunts and belive me when I say that it was tiring too . My best friend bless her told me that she can drive me to school whenever because I didn’t have a ride now . She stood by me for around 5months . During the last month before the final exam I stopped going to school and the additional hours (2h of math - 2h of science- 2h of physics and chemistry) everyday from 8 am to 2pm for 24 days it was definitely hard and at that point I had ABSOLUTELY no time for myself . I only got out of the house once to hang out w my friends once all year . So anyway I studied a lot and still , I didn’t get the grade that I needed to get in my dream school . So I studied even harder to get to medical school to at least make my fam proud . I studied so damn hard I was killing myself. I still didn’t get in. I was destroyed I couldn’t even hold myself up anymore . I was too tired to even talk . After some days it was announced that my dream school was going to make an exception this year so that everybody even the ones who didn’t get a good grade on the final exam could take the test to be accepted . So I studied about 3 h everyday for about 15 days . Everyday was harder and harder but I was patient . And I took the test but guess what I still didn’t get accepted . I was DYING . I wanted to kill myself. I was on my own, my parents weren’t here, I was harassed daily and laughed at in some way daily by my aunts and sister . I couldn’t take it anymore . I had to now think about what I wanted to do after high school . It took about a month to finally have a final decision cause I was tired mentally and physically . So yeah . When I decided mom came home from France and we wanted to go to the college I decided on but I got corona which tired me even more. I had to stay at home for two weeks until I don’t have it anymore . Then we went and yeah it went good . Mom has gone back to France and my big brother who I didn’t mention yet has come back way before. I thought that his return would make me more happy but it hasn’t he harassed me as well even thought he did help with some stuff but i couldn’t support anyone anymore and then he came and made it worst. Now I’m trying to heal but I still hear them talking about me in all sorts of way . I also need to prepare for college and these 2 years are gonna decide my future . Am I gonna study here and stay home forever or am I gonna study in France? I’m trying to get stronger and to clear my mind so that I could get out of here after these two years.

We will see how it’s gonna go I guess . Wish me luck and I’m sorry if it was too long I wanted to get it off my chest for so long . Thank u if u read everything and I would love a reply …

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Anonymous

Hello!Ive read your long story and my opinion here is to try to stress less because Universe has a plan for you for sure and maybe some things happen because of a reason that later you will find that this was how it supposed to be!You will even study more,dont leave anything for the last days or minute,take it as a lesson and move fory!But you have to be and stay very serious about your career and put the effort to make it happen!Not for your family but for you in the first place!Just have discipline and do the right things!I wish you succes ,perseverence and good luck!

Anonymous

Thank you so so much for your support it means a lot thanks and I will try my very best

Anonymous

You are very welcome!