I feel that i am not friends with my own friends....dont know if that even makes sense but that's how it is..

I  know that feeling. Been there, felt that

Friends

Feeling really sad and helpless rn. My best friend, one friend in so many years who felt real, who i could be free with , i loved being with them, and unknowingly i had made them my safe place. Compared to last 4 years, they are acting very differently now in these past few weeks. Maybe or maybe not they've done things that upset me, and being upset on top of being an overthinker is tiring. The change was too sudden in them, and i feel like I've already lost them. Their way of talking, behaving around me, i feel like I'm getting toyed around, I might be oberracting. But it feels even more lonely, even more sadness now. We've both been struggling with a lot of issues and problems together these years, now it just feels like I'm left alone in the void, to fend all by myself. There isn't the comfort of a cushion i had earlier. This is crazy, idk what to do  

It's so hard when you have a very one sided friendship, it is like you give everything and get nothing back, they only contact you when they want something or are feeling low. They stopped asking how I was, stopped asking about my life, I can't lie, it hurts, and it's a very exhausting and emotionally draining existence, when you are there for everyone always, but when it comes to when you need someone, you realize there's no one to call. 

I don't have best friends or any kind of relationship. i have no one to talk to I have never spoken about my feelings to anyone because I have no one to talk to. I hide my feelings and push them deep down. I think something is wrong with me. I am broken.

Lonely



I don't know what is happening with me , i just feel that i am not  able to make friends and feel left out.


I hate myself for this, but I really envy how some people can connect with people so easy. I have this friend who talked to a new girl in class and as I expected, they connected smoothly and I felt envy for that.
Gaining trust of others was so easy for me, now seems like an impossible task. I guess it has to be bc I'm always like having a fight with myself for everything and that affects how I express myself or something but yeah it sucks not having friends to connect like that with

Relationships

I am going through a tough phase in my life both personally and professionally. I don't feel like talking to anyone and just dealing with these feelings in my way. I feel content in myself and do not feel the need to share. I just want to be left alone as if now. But my friends are trying to contact me. But I don't want to talk to anyone about anything. Not even a casual conversation. What should I do about this situation? Should I stop pushing them away as I might loose them forever. I have made them clear that at present I am not in that zone of talking. Am I a bad friend for doing this to them ?

3am Thoughts

I'm 17 and never been in a relationship. I guess you can say that some because I'm an awkward person, and an introvert. I don't talk to a lot of guys but the ones that I have talked to and believe don't that in can develop into something more or even into a friendship but never does. And I'm left feeling sad and undesirable each time and it really hurts and I often find my eyes feeling with tears. What am I missing that others have? Is there something wrong with me that no one wants to be close to me. I'm generally a cheerful person and I prefer to see the positive side ofor things and that often makes me appear to others as childish and naive. I hide my pain behind a convincing smile, no one's able to tell sometimes I'm glad about it. But sometimes I feel all alone. Adding to the fact that I barely have any friends and my best friend does not go to the same school that I do. We barely see each other and I feel like I'm dragging her down. Not to mention she has tons and thousands of friends to rely on. We're LITERAL opposites and I have a heavy weight of loneliness, sadness and lack of belonging on my shoulders. 

I just can't keep up.. donno what's happening.. I've been losing friends left n right. I recently completed my graduation and moved back to my city. 5yr course, 5yrs of bonding and ..it's all gone. Nobody picks up calls anymore, they r just replying not talking. I get they r busy,. Everyone has jobs and what not.. even i do. But during holidays, or weekends, is it wrong to expect a call or a msg or simply a meme from them. Were all those 5 yrs a lie ? Is something wrong with me ? They r not even talking among themselves. It gets so lonely here. 

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