Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I feel restless every day I wake up. It is too much I swear. I wake up with this discomfort in my body…it is so difficult to like myself in that moment. My back hurts, my stomach hurts, my arms hurt. Every part of my existence hurts. I feel restless even as i type all this out. I am just 20 years old. How can I be in so much pain already? I want things to change for me. I deserve it you know. I deserve the better life, stronger body, happier mind and everything. It is unfair to be put in this situation so early in life. I want to be someone who can be light, fluffy like a cake or whatever. Instead, what do i do? I feel restless. I feel pain. I feel misery. My family doesn’t understand it. My friends don’t care for it. Nobody even makes an attempt. It is ridiculous how horrible this is. It is not supposed to be this difficult you know. Living life. Isn’t it supposed to be joyful and calming and fun and everything? I feel like I am the only one suffering when the truth is a million people have it much MUCH worse than me. I count my blessings but they don’t feel blessed enough. I don’t feel like I have made much of a positive difference anywhere. Maybe I should find a job where people need me. Like become a doctor or something. Maybe with external love and validation I would not feel restless but needed and worthy instead.