Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

i feel lost, i have been feeling this since quite a long time, i use to have friends now i dont,
i have a boyfriend, but i dont think he understands me, he does not make me feel wanted or special, like one is supposed to treat his girlfriend, he is a narcissistic person but i try to adjust according to his needs but i also want to someone to fulfill my needs, pamper me, make me feel special but he does none but i still love him regardless of his behaviour with me, i cant ever get mad at him because if i do he will never come back to solve the matter and just leave it, and we wont talk ever again, i apologies for his mistake too, i just need a partner who will understand me love me, i feel so lonely and deperessed everyday, he doesnt knows this, i told him once but he did not care. i wanna feel good about myself. i have no one to talk too, lost all my friends, cant talk to my guy friends because my boyfriend has a problem. but he doesnt gives me the time either, its effecting my mental health so much. im crying everyday.