I feel like I'm gonna start cutting again for the 2nd time this year after life was just getting better and I thought I alive good for a month but now I believe I am the ugliest person alive. 

Everyone who's lost will feel the same way yaar, so don't let urslf down by thinking these things... The first cut gave you a scar and only a scar, and the second will also like that, so don't do that... 

Mental Health

I feel like I might harm myself. I don't know why though. 

3am Thoughts

OUR SCARS CAN DESTROY US, EVEN AFTER THE PHYSICAL WOUNDS HAVE HEALED. BUT IF WE SURVIVE THEM, THEY CAN TRANSFORM US. THEY CAN GIVE US THE POWER TO ENDURE AND THE STRENGTH TO FIGHT.
-Batman

Affirmations

she cuts her wrist,
for an unknown reason,
she wants to feel pain
even she is not numb,
she knows
she has pain. 

but, she can't find where,
so, she cuts herself. 

I hope 
someone can be 
her rest soon;
who will never let her 
wrist bleed again. 


This urge to hurt myself untill i bleed. Why is it so tempting. 
Here i go for attention again

Self Harm

Several attempts later I lay here in my bed trying to stop myself from not slitting my wrists up again 
But then I realise even if I do no one really cares 
Atleast this pain will go away

Suicidal Ideation

one of my friends is cutting on a call with me because i cut earlier and idk what to do becuase that shit makes me want to cut more. 

when i'm angry,sad,alone etc. i cut my skin but i dont feel any pain

Other

Ummmm...i don't know where to begin or even what to say...I guess I should start with the fact that i started to injure myself. I've doing things to myself for years now, they weren't so obvious tho. For example I used to suffocate myself or to try to drown myself while taking a bath. Then I stopped for a while and now I did it again . I started cutting myself. The worst thing is that i tried to talk to my friends about it but they only said that i don't have a reason to do it . Now that I think about it they're right. I mean it's not like I have a serious trauma like abuse or rape. I've been through some shit but it's not that bad. 
   When I was younger, I am 16 now, a man masturbated in front of me. And it was horrible, I was so afraid that I froze for a few seconds. I didn't understand what was happening, luckily I ran before anything else happened. I felt humiliated and to this day I still remember that feeling.
  At school, the same year that the incident I talked before happened, a boy was touching me, my breasts and was making fun of that. I was also stressed because of my high school entrance exam.
   Before I started high school I've been involved into a physical fight with a group of girls. They were insulting and humiliating my friend and I tried to calm the situation down but it didn't work and then my friend ran and left me alone with them and they started to mess with me, I ran I soon as possible.
 After that stressful time things got better until the whole pandemic situation happened.  Honestly my introverted self wa kind of happy staying at home and not talking to anyone but I guess it really gets lonely. I have to admit that solitude gets addictive; after seeing how peaceful being by myself is, it got really hard reconnecting with my friends. During the school year that has began I started getting into a lot of conflicts. First with my ex boyfriend, now with my friends and there's also the relationship between my parents that got worse. I also have to deal with a lot of homophobia in my country, being  bisexual . 
I also drink too much for my age. I know I shouldn't but I can't help it , sometimes it's the only thing that helps me relax.
So...I started hurting myself. I don't really Express my emotions because I  always have to be the calm one, the one who solves everyone's problems, the one with all the answers, the one who always does the right thing and all these expectations are just exhausting. When I make a mistake everyone just blames me for everything. I HATE IT. I HATE THAT I FEEL THIS WAY. I HATE THAT I AM SO WEAK. I HATE THAT THE MOMENT I TRIED TO GET HELP I WAS TOLD THAT I DON'T HAVE ANY REASON TO HURT MYSELF. I ASKING FOR HELP. I HATE THE RESPONSE I GOT. I JUST HATE BEING SO PATHETIC. 
I hate that I actually think that they're right...
      P. S. English is not my first language 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts