I feel like I have lost my best friend. She was the only one that I truly felt like cared and made me feel safe and confident. A mutual friend, although was trying to help out, ended up telling her that we couldnāt be friends forever and that I wanted to end it. Unfortunately, I was really building up the nerve to tell her that I wanted more. We have been friends for so long and had gotten so close, but now there is so much distance that it just hurts and I am more fearful than ever to even reach out, just to hang out. It hurts, because nobody made me feel as amazing and relaxed as she had and now I canāt even reach out to the one person that could make me feel better. I donāt know if she feels the same way, but lately it seems like it is impossible to make any kind of plans with her.
When she confronted me about what our other friend said, I ended up confessing that I had fallen for her, but looking back I never told her that I wanted more. It basically came off as me wanting to end the friendship, because I had feelings for her. I wasnāt ready to tell her (I was waiting for another in person meet up), but when she brought it up, I panicked and I am afraid things are worse. I had always had some suspicions that she felt the same way. All the signs were there, but I just wasnāt ready. Unfortunately, I reached out to the wrong friend, hoping for some words of encouragement and it blew up in my face.
Now I have been fighting off the depressive episodes, lonely feeling, lost thoughts and just overall feeling helpless. I feel like I have lost my best friend and sadly, someone that I truly loved and cared about, who loved and cared for me back.
