I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go, just no don't wanna go. I am not gonna go, no no no no but I have,  BUT I DON'T WANT TO. 

Life

मुसाफ़िर हूँ मैं यारों
ना घर है ना ठिकाना
मुझे चलते जाना है, बस, चलते जाना
मुसाफ़िर...

	एक राह रुक गई, तो और जुड़ गई
	मैं मुड़ा तो साथ-साथ, राह मुड़ गई
	हवा के परों पे, मेरा आशियाना
	मुसाफ़िर.

Affirmations

In this pandemic situation, I have drifted away from all my college friends(since I didn't have much in school) , I have applied for masters in Australia and I am really really worried about my social life as I am much of an ambivert, but still trying to find friends around. I just wanted to know if this is normal or am i just overthinking? 

Overthinking

On a serious note, I liked my crush a little too much, I was all in for him. Until few days ago, when I noticed that he is literally the same with everyone. So I stopped initiating the conversations, I stopped reciprocating; that’s when he started asking me more why am I not around much, that I’m too busy lately and all that. I like him, but if he’s the same with everyone, I don’t want my hopes rising. Idk what to do anymore. I haven’t been opening his messages on time and I don’t even feel the same excitement but I do know that I like him and would want us to be together.

Confusion

My best friend's boyfriend and I had a fight where I was responsible. We were closed friend and I apologized. Unfortunately I lost both of them. I don't know what to do without my bestfriend

Lonely

I took a loan out came to do my masters on 2022, last semester around November I went into major freeze mode I was not able to think straight and I project submissions and exams and I couldn't even get out of bed... and I got Cs in all my subjects because I didn't submit projects in 2 of the subjects and didn't submit the projects too. I just froze so bad... now I can't graduate with my batch mates,  I have thousands of dollars (not even rupees) loan and I need to pay for one more semester and I need to take more Money out for loan... and I feel like a failure and I don't know to tell my patents.  I am so sad... that my body and brain just froze I really wish i can find a way to graduate without having to extend my course I can't do this anymore

Failure

There are two parts of me that exist at any given time. There's the part of me that's happy, engaged, and (relatively) secure. Then there is the me that has to face the uncomfortable reality that people are often tolerating me. I don't mean to say that people hate me, exactly, but that maybe they love or enjoy the person they wish I was rather than the person I am. Of course, if it makes their lives better, I'm willing and trying to change, but I have a very short term memory and will likely go back into my routines sooner rather than later, especially as my former self.

I think that's why I often torture myself; to keep me grounded, and to try to remember why it is I'm feeling this way in the first place. However, knowing me, I have little faith that it will last.

I don't like sharing my feelings. I'm too easily overwhelmed and prone to crying. It's also really easy for people to get tired of hearing me or think that I'm doing it for attention or to avoid problems.

Fuck, I almost wish that was the case. At least then I wouldn't have to deal with the pain.
The worst is wanting to share but knowing what will come of it - dismissiveness, annoyance, anger, spite. I've been so overwhelmed that emotional pain is the only thing I can see, and it's bleak as hell. I'll cry my heart out to nothing and no one and while the logical part of me knows someone cares, the emotional side of me thinks that's a load of horseshit.

And I'll be saddled (oh boy, a pun 🐴) with these problems for as long as I've been saddled with them so far: the rest of my life. All I can do is learn to cope.

And that really, really sucks.

Everyone wants to support people who are mentally ill, but no one really wants to live with someone who is. It's exhausting shit. I get it. Call me a narcissist, selfish, deflecting, I'm both fine with it/understanding and pissed off for my sanity, but I live with this duality every day of my life. I'm tired, too.

Mental Illness

Has anyone found a dating app that really works?

I don’t know why people have this thinking that introvert or ambiverts doesn’t win or get success in life , i mean I hate those kind of people… Hustling to show them that we can win many things in life as bcz i have experienced this …be ready you snakes to get shocked …

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts