I don’t really know what to do anymore. I sit through all of my classes and do all of my work, I have good grades, and I have amazing friends. But sometimes I just feel empty, like there is nothing I can do to change that. I don’t know what to do or feel at these times, I don’t know if I can do or feel anything, I don’t remember if I did or didn’t.
Today, I was sitting in class, and this guy brought up an old friend of mine, talking about the fight they got into last year. I was really in love with this guy too, and he just up and left me. And we texted every now and then, but then he got with this friend of mine. And I knew she wasn’t any good for him, she was pregnant and still talking to other guys. So when he stopped texting me for a while, I asked her if she made him stop texting me and she ran to him. He thought I was starting shit with her. Everyone knew I was in love with him. EVERYONE. And I don’t know why they were even together. So I really did start shit, I know it was bad. But he deserved the truth, I sent him the screenshots of her talking to other guys. And I went off on her, spilling the truth about how I felt about her.
But now, I am in love with someone who will never love me back, unoriginal I know. He’s a great guy. Funny, kind, smart, sarcastic, loving, and he helps me through panic attacks and breakdowns. Honestly my ideal guy, he knows of my feelings and tries to be nice about it, but I know it bothers him sometimes.
I went back into a toxic relationship to get over him. Didn’t work out. I know I’m gonna end up waiting for him, even though he’ll never want a relationship with me.
you’ll find someone better. you need someone better. “never let anyone tell you you don’t deserve what you want” (Patrick Verona in 10 Things I Hate About You) you’ll get through this I know it, you’re so much more than your pain, don’t let this end you
I just gotta prevail through it. I’m gonna beat these feelings before they can defeat me!
