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Suicidal IdeationThought

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I don’t now where my life is going so I’m going to end this. I am 22/F, i am going to graduate from dental school in next 5 months but I have nothing In my life. Today my trigger are my parents and I’m stuck. My father has been having an affair for past 5 years and my mom is aware about it but still can’t leave him because of me and the property she bought as dowry when she married into my father’s family. Now if she separates from him not only will the society label her but she’ll also lose her families ancestral land so she will never divorce him even if he is downright abusive both physically and emotionally. She kindoff tried to expose him once in front of my paternal relatives and everyone thought she was crazy because she spoke too much unnecessary stuff and I really tried to help her out by explaining the situation about my dad but elders told me to not interrupt. After that incident my dad started to hate me even more, he targeted his anger specifically at me by telling mean things and behaving madly around me and I became more and more hurt by him. My mom would do nothing about it and make matters worse by telling all the bad and emotionally toxic things my dad would do and tell to her( I know that it’s difficult for her but such things are having negative impact on me, like I would just have got out of my depressed phase and she would unload again). Yesterday she told me about the photo she saw on my dad’s phone which was of that wench who my dad is screwing right now and I felt so sorry for my mom and couldn’t do anything for her. I resemble my dad so my mom has a look of disgust on her face everytime she looks at me and she misunderstandings everything I tell her. I hate when it happens and being associated with such a dirty being when I haven’t even thought of any guy in that way. I feel like I can’t keep on going like this. I hope my sister takes care of my mom. I just wanted someone to know, why I did what I did.

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